A cat from a small town in Wiltshire is the first feline in Britain to receive an ASBO. Scratcher the Tabby from Wootten Bassett, who was recently awarded a Victoria Cross for bravery in Afghanistan, has become such a menace to the local community...
They were dancing in the streets of Greendale today celebrating the news that local legend, Postman Pat had been given a payrise after months of negotiations with his employer, the Royal Mail. The hard working postie had just finished his round at...
Old Tango tits and her tango tit have discovered today that they are not actually legally married. The Reverend Mose Henney did not have a proper licence at the time of the ceremony after previously being forced to resign amidst allegations of imp...
As the population of Iceland prepare to vote 'No' in a referendum to pay back the UK and Holland after the collapse of Icesave Bank in 2008, the British and Dutch governments have agreed to send a task force of debt collectors to deliver a simple mes...
Frustrated England armchair football fans who lost interest in Gareth Southgate's half-time opinions of the England V Egypt friendly on ITV, turned to the internet to check out the scores of other international games but were disgusted by the lack of...
A millionaire who appeared on the popular Channel 4 show, the Secret Millionaire, kept his secret so well hidden that he was given a large sum of money by another Secret Millionaire. Geoff Bastard, the young entrepreneur who made his fortune sell...
Here's the full of results of the Shitwaves NME Awards 2010 Best British 3 Piece Band From Teignmouth - Muse Only Festival That We Could Think Of - Glastonbury Best New Band Who We Don't Know Much About But Have Quite A Cool Name Anyway - Bombay Bicycle Club Best Old Band Who Released A Compilation Album Last Year And We're Only Giving An Award To Because Madness Couldn't Be Bothered...
An eight year old tabby cat from Wootten Bassett has today been awarded the animal equivalent of the Victoria Cross for his heroic work in Afghanistan. Scratcher the cat was presented with his medal by his owner Gladys Francis in an emotional cere...
An advert for a brand of medicine to soften stools where four women discuss their bowl movements over coffee is proving to be so popular that it will be made into a TV series later this year. The show will be based around the lives of four differe...
7.00 - The Simpsons Jeremy Paxman guest stars in this episode when Bart learns to swear after watching Newsnight so Marge starts a one woman protest to get Paxman removed from the TV. 7.30 - Friends The one where Jeremy Paxman tells Rachel to fuck off. 8.00 - Britain's Got Talent A new series of the questionable talent show with new judge Jeremy Paxman, who controversially makes an eight...
As Manchester City's form continues to plummet, a desperate Roberto Mancini has pleaded for help from the public to be on the lookout for his AWOL striker, Carlos Tevez. Luckily for him, the public have responded with comments on the website he ha...
Scientists have discovered that singing may be able to help stroke victims regain the ability to speak again by rewiring the brain. This revolutionary idea has inspired Geordie cage fighter, Cheryl Cole, to give up miming all her classic hits and...
His performance could be described as wooden, but Tiger Wood's acting debut, where he read out something called an apology, impressed the producers of Eastenders so much that they have offered him a part in London's most popular soap opera. Millio...
After Elton John claimed that Jesus was a gay man in an interview he did for some magazine called Parade - not the British wank mag from the nineties but an American Sunday newspaper magazine apparently - Jesus has hit back in some quotations...
The Premier League fined relegation threatened Wolverhampton Wanderers for being totally crap when they lost 3-0 to Manchester United last December. Manager Mick McCarthy defended his team selection by saying that he picked a team that was in the...
The British Olympic team were dancing in the streets of Vancouver last night after winning their first Gold Medal at the Winter Olympics. The little fishing village of Vancouver, which is named after the French verb 'to slumber', awoke this mornin...
Daytime TV viewers were up in arms today after self righteous, gnome Noel Edmonds, chose an irritating lump of lard from Liverpool to be the contestant on Deal Or No Deal. Fans of the show took an immediate dislike to her and reached for their rem...
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