Following on from 'The Essential Guide To Being A Premier League Footballer', and in response to the literally one letter we received, here is our latest helpful guide. This time we are focusing on Premier League management. Once you've finished your Premier League playing career you may want to consider becoming a manager. Not for the money of course as you'll already have enough of that to fu...
A top English Premier League club has an opening for a full-time professional footballer to work within a highly motivated multi-lingual team of prancing prima-donnas. Interested parties should be able to demonstrate a high level of skill, and will be required to show their ability to blow their nose with one finger, and gob large amounts of spit onto the floor. The successful applicant will al...
Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...
The Manchester United and former England defender Rio Ferdinand has told reporters that his ex-England team-mate John Terry is a "despicable cad" and no longer on the black star's Christmas card list. Terry has been at the centre of racist abuse a...
Tottenham Hotspur manager Andre Villas-Boas is facing mounting pressure from fans to have his throat cleared by his next interview. Listeners and viewers to the Portuguese's interviews have been mildly grossed out by his phlegm filled larynx since...
John Terry the former England international and current Chelsea captain, who has been at the epicentre of recent racial abuse allegations, has been the inspiration of a new initiative by anti-racism campaigners which has become known as the Kick Him...
Keeping up with the English Jones' My neighbor, Gerry, the British guy who came here 23-years-ago, has a beautiful wife, a very nice home (that he keeps up like a palace), three wonderful adult children, and seven grandchildren. His two grown sons and his one adult daughter were all born in a coal-heated flat in the "South of London," wherever the hell that is. His two eldest grandchildren, a...
Former Dutch international Edgar Davids has joined the football leagues bottom club, North London Barnet. The leagues bottom club? Has he been on the 'herbal cigarettes'? Has he confused his local football club with his local hairdressers... The club announced Davids joined the struggling League Two outfit because they were his local club. Well it beats commuting on the Northern Line every mo...
The England v Poland World Cup qualifying match was postponed on Tuesday October 16th after heavy rain. The Stadium, purpose built for the Euro 2012 tournament held in Poland and Ukraine during the summer, has a roof but never used it. The match was rearranged for 4pm the following day, ending in a 1-1 draw. One match at Euro 2012, between co-hosts Ukraine and France, was suspended due to heavy...
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney has this evening been sensationally linked with Championship side Barnsley after the Tykes offered forward John Rooney - Wayne's brother - a contract until the end of the season, subject to internationa...
The home of English football in the shape of the £100 million centre of excellence has been unveiled, replacing the previous centre of mediocrity model. St Georges Park will provide a base and state of the art facilities like balls, bibs and cones...
WALLA WALLA, Washington - The American Olympic soccer team goalkeeper Hope Solo was in Walla Walla visiting an aunt who just adopted triplets. While at the airport Hope was asked by a reporter with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres about the success of her...
Following a much hyped probable negative reaction by Manchester United supporters against their Liverpool counterparts, over a tribute to the fallen 96 of Hillsborough, the media were left with nothing to report, as the Manchester United fan continge...
Major League Soccer side LA Galaxy have joined the bidding process to play at the Olympic Stadium in East London, England. They join bids from local football franchises West Ham United and Leyton Orient, plus one from Formula One chief Bernie Ecc...
Southampton were tipped to be the first team to be 'mathematically relegated by Hallowen' last night as the Saints struggled to pick up a point in a tough opening month. Local man Mark Le Tissueface told local paper 'The News' the 'Adkins diet' wasn'...
Ace Michael Owen nets thief after watching raid on CCTV Full Story: The Sun He's got used to watching the action sitting down after being on the bench at Man United for so long... Felippe 'Big Phil' Scolari wants to return to manage in England after getting the push from Palmeires.... Full Story: Talksport Big Phil looking for a big job, I suggest he watches this space at West Ham to replac...
At a press conference at Salford Lads Club today, a group of Manchester United supporters refused to promise to be on their best behaviour at Anfield, as Sunday's clash between the bitter rivals looms ever closer. The rebuff comes amid press conce...
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