Hope Solo Slams Dancing With The Stars

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 1 October 2012

image for Hope Solo Slams Dancing With The Stars
One of the sneakers that Hope wore during her performance of the Loretta Lynn song "Coal Miner's Daughter."

WALLA WALLA, Washington - The American Olympic soccer team goalkeeper Hope Solo was in Walla Walla visiting an aunt who just adopted triplets.

While at the airport Hope was asked by a reporter with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres about the success of her autobiography titled Goooooooalllll! - The Hope Solo Memoirs.

Hope replied that the book is the best selling book in 39 of the 50 states and that it has just become the number one all-time selling book in Finland, Haiti, and Upper Shambutu.

Tahiti Zeppelin with HHD asked the 31-year-old athlete about a chapter in the book where she wrote that Dancing With The Stars is rigged.

Hope blushed as she took a sip of her Hercules VII Protein Power Drink and remarked that she was sworn to secrecy but said that she decided to reveal that matter in her book because of the horrendously horrible way she says she was treated by her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Solo, who is a spokesperson for Diet Solo Cola, said that she saw an in house memo from Duval Gugglepitt, 57, to Bavariana Tantafellini, 33, which stated that Maksim and Hope were going to be eliminated the week of the semi-finals and would end up in 4th place.

Hope stated that she is not 100 percent certain but she believes that her and Maksim's votes from the states of Arizona, Alaska, Arkansas, and Ohio were not counted for that particular show.

The 5-foot-9-inch tall soccer goalie revealed that in a way she was glad because by that time she had gotten tired of Chmerkovskiy treating her like she was a Brooklyn streetwalker.

She pointed out that during one of their rehearsals she was having trouble pointing her toes correctly and Maks became so upset and frustrated with her that he angrily bit all 10 of her toes.

SIDENOTE: Maksim stated that he believes the reason he and Hope were eliminated was because the shows producers made them dance to The Theme From The Wheel of Fortune which as most professional dancers know is one of the most difficult songs to dance to.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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