Newport police are asking residents of the whole Isle of Wight to be vigilant until they capture some rogue house thieves targeting the island. "There has been a sudden spate of house thefts recently," said Detective inspector Jenn Darme, who has...
Hungry thieves broke the window of a baker's shop in Gateshead yesterday and stole the day's bakings. Dozens of bread loaves and scores of cream buns were taken along with apple pies and big scones. As soon as George Cook, the baker, arrived,...
DENVER - The distributing company for Hostess Twinkies has just announced that the Rocky Mountain state of Colorado sells more Twinkies than the rest of the 49 states combined. Ellen "Sugarlips" Mantanello, 29, a spokesperson for the snack food co...
The Police have discovered a clever way in which thieves can try and fool the authorities. They call it 'Robbing from Dead Bodies'. Two men, known to associate with people of a questionable reputation, were apprehended for the suspected crime.
A champion bubble-gum blower is starting another 5-year prison sentence after an armed attack on a sweet-shop in Gateshead. Alan Wrigley, 45, was named in the Guinness Book of Records as the young British record-holder after blowing an 18-inch bub...
Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...
Every day, one hundred thousand tonnes of metal are stolen across the UK. This is mainly copper, although there is a significant amount of iron also. All of this metal needs to be replaced, as most of it can be quite vital to railway lines, the st...
Police say a lone suspect escaped with dozens of "Next Window Please" placards during a tense bank robbery yesterday. "He rushed in when the bank was filled with customers," said First Insolvent Bank manager Libra-Fawn DeMedved. "He grabbed a stapl...
Three men have been arrested after several shops in Gateshead city centre were burgled in midnight raids. Thieves broke into Mendelson's Music Shop and made off with the lute. They also broke into the till, and took all the notes. Nearby, a pos...
SILVER CITY, New Mexico (ABSNN) - Oddly enough, given the large number of guns and ammunition stores found in a gun shop, very few people have ever been shot in one, unless, of course, "they had it coming." Such was the case in this tiny New Mexico...
DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...
Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection. Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon. "It's terri...
Police in the once sleepy village of Little Divot are investigating an outrageously bold piece of thieving. At 9am this morning it was discovered that the local council offices, which also houses the mayors chambers, had disappeared. Mayor of L...
A ginger-haired man in a high-visibility jacket was spotted yesterday in broad daylight trying to steal the Crown Jewels from Buckingham Palace. He was heard shouting into a megaphone with threats of "Give us the jewels or I'll call the police!"...
The Police have stepped in to insist that all get away drivers are tested under new Bank Robbery rules. Chief Constable Pinhead declared that getaway drivers are giving the British Motorist a bad name, often parking on double yellows outside the B...
Residents of London suburb, Dorking, awoke this morning to discover that thieves had stolen every last scrap of metal from the town. "They came in during the night," said police inspector, Devon Cumbria. "They've taken street lamps, park benches,...
American rapper LL Cool J and ex-footballer Duncan Ferguson are to spearhead a new neighbourhood watch initiative, it has been announced. The move, encouraging residents to batter the shite out of intruders, comes days after LL Cool J reportedly...
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