SANAA, YEMEN--A spokesman for al-Qaeda today apologized for a deadly attack on a hospital in Yemen that left dozens of the patients dead or injured. Said the spokesman, who remained anonymous, "We are so sorry for killing those innocent patients,...
Peshawar, Pakistan The terrorist organization al-Qaeda announced today that they are looking for new members to join the exciting world of suicide bombing. "Every year we have to recruit more people. We are getting down to our last few recruits f...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The FBI has stated that the two Al Qaeda terrorists who were captured in Paducah, Kentucky two weeks ago have offered up a wealth of information on the Al Qaeda organization. An FBI agent who did not want his name revealed state...
PADUCAH, Kentucky - Law enforcement officials in Kentucky have stated that they have captured two Al Qaeda operatives. A representative with the Kentucky State Police informed the news media that officers had apprehended known Al Qaeda members Wal...
YUMA, Arizona - In what many local citizens are calling an unbelievable story, Arizona State Police have found a 15 foot by 20 foot wooden building that housed at least a dozen Al Qaeda members. Sergeant Cameron Moneymix with the ASP stated to the...
Good day guys. How is it going? Blow up anything fun today? Shoot your quota of infidels yet? OK, sorry you're having a bad day. Just a few questions I wanted to ask you guys. (I am assuming you are all guys. I doubt you've opened a female branch) Alright, lets get started here. Now I know you claim to be a religious organization. The "Holy Men of Allah" or something like that.
DETROIT - The mayor of the bankrupt city of Detroit Dave Bing has just informed the news media that he has received a letter from the Al Qaeda organization headquartered in Pakistan. The mayor went on to say that the letter was written by a Mr. Ba...
A major financial shift has occurred within the gun manufacturing section of the United States Corporate industry. A huge surge has come about in the number of guns and ammunition being clandestinely sold to the Mid East terror organization Al Queda.
A recent Al-Qaeda conference call involving 20 high level participants was reportedly "a complete waste of our time" due to loud typing, crying babies, barking dogs, and slamming doors. Nobody on the call apparently could figure out how to use the m...
A new whistleblower emerged today with details of a secret court investigation and trial of President Barack Obama. The whistleblower, a court reporter at the secret trial, has been identified as Mr. Edward Hoedown. According to the CIA Mr. Hoedow...
A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies and dogs, to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions, has been raided by allied Special Forces. The camp, located in Northern Afghanistan, is understood to have been wiped out, wit...
Airports, seeking to get more money out of passengers exiting through their gates on international flights, have come up with inventive new ways of sucking the money out of their pockets. Most airports have already come up with the ingenious meth...
Topeka, Kansas -- Westboro Baptist Church Leader Fred Phelps was arrested in a Motel 6 hotel room in a sting operation that lasted over 13-months. In September 2011, members of the anti-terrorist unit within the FBI received information that Fred...
London - "It's a feelthy lie, begorrah," Real IRA commander Osama Bin Life-O'Riely said today ahead of the Beeb broadcast at 9pm. "Provisional Al Qaeda bastards is them what done it because of a trick or treaty dare from George W Bush." The do...
The Florida Postal Service has made an unusual request of their local patronage- to stop running into their Post Offices with their autos (see Yahoo News). There have recently been eight crashes supposedly due to 'old timers' tapping the gas pedal in...
BILLINGSGATE POST - Al-Qaeda announced Wednesday it will close its embassy in France in fear of retaliation for the painting of a mustache on French first lady, Valerie Trierweiler, by Muslim artist Hakeem Hussien Obama, a distant relative of Barack...
BUMFUCK EGYPT (ABSNN) - The second highest ranking leader of the radical Islamic fundamentalist sect Al Qaeda has announced that he will personally fund the making of a new motion picture, "Jesus the Pussy Whupped". "Our budget is unlimited. This...
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