Dear Hank, I have a serious issue that needs addressed. I'm a conservative, belong to the NRA and have just finished my bunker cause we all know what's coming in 2012. My damn wife wants to decorate the damn thing and take down all my desert storm pictures. We will be sharing the space with our son who is two right now and our cat Sherman, but I can't give up my plaid couch and plasma T.V. We'r...
Ed Note: Hank hails from Pocatello, Idaho, better known as Big Elk Country. For years now, Hank has been the guy to ask for advice on any subject. From what wine to serve at your next exotic meat party to where to take your date hunting, Hank knows it all, and he's willing to share it with you. Ask him anything, and if he can't come up with an answer on his own, he's got a whole slew of experts on...
Today's subject is sexual positions Dear Msr. Dubois: I am a 19-year-old junior at University of Georgia in Athens. I lost my virginity last week (or at least I think I did) at the Delta's keg party. It wasn't at all what I expected, having to stand up in a broom closet while my date ripped down my panty hose and kept jabbing at my crotch. Finally, he asked me if he could stick his finger...
Dear Lenny, I'm 19 and I have been secretly seeing my stepbrother on my dad's side for 3 months now. We only met for the first time by accident on a social website about 6 months ago and we hit it off immediately. He's 19 too. I don't know why but I have never met anybody like him. It feels like I have known him for years and we have so much in common. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and I h...
In an apparently leaked letter from the advice columnist Zanie Rabinowicz; The World's Most Interesting Man, the urbane and bon vivant spokesman for Dos X Xs brewery, has cried out for help in a matter of the heart. We print the letter in its entirety below. Dear Zanie, I have fallen in love with a beautiful young woman a third my age. We met aboard a yacht in Charlotte Amalie harbor, hi...
Dear Kent Pete I'm a 33 year old man and am concerned that I might be gay. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate homosexuals. Virtually all of my lovers from the age of 16 have been gay men and if I ever go out it tends to be to gay clubs and bars. I'm a life member of the Pink Punters in Milton Keynes. However I don't want to 'follow the yellow brick road' if infact I am a closet heterosexual.
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 48 years old. "Some of my conservative friends say there is no Global Warming. "The UN says, 'If you see it in a peer reviewed journal it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there Global Warming? "VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET." VIRGINIA, your conservative friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do n...
"Dear Brucie..." He is one of our national treasures and a showbiz legend. And despite being one of our busiest veterans, Bruce Forsythe gives his views on life and its dilemmas. Hello my loves and welcome to another edition of 'Dear Brucie...' First of all though, what a week it's been. I've been here, there and everywhere. Who says I'm doddery? But back to business. My postbag, unlik...
Hello, all: If you've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I've been absent from my advice column for well over 6 months. What can I say? I've been exploring other projects and growing as a writer. What, did you thing I was going to say I was sorry? Do you even know me? If you do know me (and if you don't, you really should) then you'd know that I never use the 's-word'...
Ms. Mannerisms answers millions of people around the world with questions about their sexuality, relationships and etiquette in general. Letters may be sent to her in care of her manager and boytoy here, Alexandria177. If it's funny, or allows her to demonstrate your inferiority, she may answer it. She is better than all of you, as she can speak of herself in the third person. Dear Ms. Mann...
Author's Note - The actual advice columnist who gave such advice was not "Miss Terry". For liability reasons, her name is changed to that. If one was aware of the actual name, the article would be funnier. - Dean West Washington, D.C. - Recently...
Dear Fr. Francois: I am in a loveless marriage--well, it is loveless for me. My wife of 22 years is in love alright, with a donkey she worked with in Tijuana. Marissa claims their relationship has only been a "professional" relationship; but I wonder why she's always slipping away from Ocean Beach to meet Juan in Chula Vista? I'm saddened to tell you that I hired a private investigator, Di...
Dear Kent Pete: I really want to feel good about myself and to have a girlfriend but I'm too ugly and too boring. I'm 34 and have never had a partner. I look at my mates and they are definitely more attractive and more confident. You can see from my from the photo that I am not good-looking .I have such a big nose. I ask you to be sensitive and not publish my image, it would be more th...
Dear Duff, I think that I'm just too nice and I think that this is not allowing me to see the bad side of people. Just recently I had a builder round to quote for an extension. I asked if he had any satisfied customers and he told me that he was always doing work for Esther Rantzen. He then asked me for thirty grand up front, "just for exes like squire" and it was only after I had given...
Hello and welcome to my corridor of uncertainty. This week I have a letter from Sharron Milner of Brighouse: Dear Mr Boycott I am a fifteen year old who has just given birth. I am going to have to give up school. Please can you give advice to others who might have the same accident? Well, fifteen and pregnant, eh? She were playing too loose. No wonder she got c...
Dear Karl, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes! He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my hus...
Dear Tracey, I desperately want to have another baby but my husband feels that having only one child is perfect for our family. Now that our son is three, I can't stop looking at pregnant women and wishing I was one of them. I've tried everything I can think of to convince him but he still says no. I don't want to trick him into another baby but I'll do whatever it takes to get what I want.
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