A phone-in caller may have provided BP with the answer to its increasingly dire problems concerning the Gulf Spill or 'The Spulf' as it is fast becoming known among US citizens with a penchant for single syllable labels. The caller, known only as...
BP have at last figured out how to cap the oil spill. Mud and cement! So bloody easy, a 4th grader could have figured it out, and indeed, DID. There has been a worldwide competition going on, underneath the mainstream news bulletins.....school-chi...
A major effort to stem the declining share price and to put a new spin on its fall is making good progress, according to oil giant BP. Work on the spin, which BP hopes will eventually help to boost the personal fortunes of its directors, began on...
BPs Oil Slick HQ, United States: BP, known as 'British Petroleum' by President Obama, have decided to fund Tony Blair's Republican nomination at the next US elections. BP who have had to 'bite the bullet' in the last few weeks, as President Obama...
Washington AC/DC - (Reuterus): A massive damage limitation exercise is under way amid fears the flame haired Mata Hari has tested positive for paternity by the disaster-hit BP boss. Officially the stunning looking Russian spook was born in the Ukr...
This afternoon, BP CEO Tony Hayward announced a totally new green business plan for his beleaguered corporate leviathan. Displaying a plate of their new product, high octane shrimp, Hayward told the hastily assembled gathering of sailing enthusia...
World scientists and engineers have been working around the clock to come up with methods to halt the oil spill in the Gulf. An out-of-work man from Middlesbrough, N.E. England, has come up with the perfect solution which he is currently trying to...
Those ever creative minds at BP are coming up with endless new possibilities of ways to cap the renegade oil well in the Gulf. These include: Training giant blue whales to dive down, slurp up the oil, then surface and spit the collected oil into a holding ship for processing. Hiring Aquaman or Prince Namor from the comic books to assemble a team of aquatic animals to help out. Those guys can...
New Orleans, LA - BP has hired a dozen clowns to replace Tony Hayward as BP's official company spokespersons. Said the Chairman of BP in announcing this change, "We figure at least with clowns, they won't be held to any higher a standard of scrut...
New Orleans - (Crudités): The beleaguered oil firm is being sued by the city's 50,000 'special needs' sex workers for $500 million in compensation for loss of earnings. The New Orleans GLBT Sex Workers Collective says members are normally working...
The U.S. today decreed the Gulf of Mexico be made into the Southern National Petroleum Reserve and will fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Military. Much like the little known National Petroleum Reserve that occupies most of northern Alaska adja...
New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): The January 2002 tragedy that saw beleaguered Enron Corpse executive J Clifford Baxter committ suicide in a Sugar Land, Texas parking lot is rearing its ugly head once again. Big Oil traders fear a sinister twist...
Most people these days are angry at British Petroleum for the oil spill but the British do not own the majority of the company. Why is this not coming out? According to records released today in showing how much the BP stock has fallen, it was...
Faced with one fiasco after another, Tony Haywood, CEO of British Petroleum, has announced his retirement from the company that has gooed up the Gulf of Mexico. At the noon conference, held at his palatial estate in Switzerland, Mr. Haywood stated...
London - (Portents): A turf war between Buckingham Palace moles bunkered deep beneath the royal lawn is suspected of being behind the latest grassy etching. The BP logo-themed crop circle appeared hours ahead of Monday's 11.28GMT solar ingress as...
England - Tony Hayward's boat Bob was leading a yacht race on Saturday when several gigantic tentacles emerged and surrounded his vessel from underneath. The boat was crushed and disappeared from the surface. "It was just horrible," said Sir Elton...
This has just got to be the worst publicity Tony Hayward could wish to have in his lifetime, although he does not appear to be at all concerned. Whilst the many are trying to clean up the mess, B.P. Executive, Tony Hayward, enjoys watching his y...
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