European Finance Ministers held an early morning crisis meeting in Brussels today, in order to discuss the implications for the Eurozone after both Manchester clubs crashed out of the Europa League football tournament on Thursday evening. Minister...
Controversial (understatement) Italian footy star, Mario Balotelli, has decided to remain anonymous whilst up to his rather naughty antics around the Manchester area. He claims the publicity is just too much when he's acting like a moron; albeit, he'...
The UN have officially declared certain areas of the UK suburbs of LA. It seems that these "no-go" areas are homing "Homies" of drug gangs and cartels similar to their parent gangs in the US and especially LA. Here are just a few of the friendly b...
Police are investigating the daring raid of an ATM, completely emptying it. The thieves, dubbed the Manchester Moles, dug a five hundred foot tunnel from an embankment to the shopping centre ATM; working only between midnight and five in the morning...
The proposed high speed rail link between London and Manchester, with the shortest possible stay in Birmingham as is technically feasible, has been given the green light to be built, despite opposition. However, protesters against the new rail lin...
Two femme Fatales were arrested by the police yesterday after their daring robbery was foiled by most high tech (and unstoppable) of police tactics. The stationary, highly visible security camera. The two woman gang, made up of Rose "The Flowerpo...
Any sceptics out there who doubt the existence of supernatural phenomena need only visit Manchester this evening. The supernatural hotspot city, renowned for voodoo, black magick, gypsy curses and occasionally football, is jumping with supernatural h...
The Manchester Food and Drink Festival was rocked by an explosion and fireball late last night sending revellers running for safety and leaving three people hurt and dozens more traumatised. Health and Safety officials have moved in to identify th...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, somewhat out of the loop recently, today caught up on the news of escalating violence across the UK, when he finished work. An amazed Shuttlecock, having recently resumed the joys of cycling, (Not that that's relevant)...
Photographer and journalist Ivor Lenson was, yesterday, distraught at the the thought that he would be forced to abandon his 'mission' to discover the identity of the Mystery Blonde. Walking along the sidewalk towards the park in Niagara-on-the-La...
A rampaging elephant is something that shoppers don't often encounter in Manchester's Arndale Centre, but that's exactly what happened this morning. A rogue elephant rampaged around the malls, charged shoppers, headbutted plate glass windows, over...
MANCHESTER - An unemployed poet named Chippington Vexhill, 66, informed his grandmother Dulcinea Vexhill, 102, that as he was reading his copy of The Manchester Morning Manc he suddenly looked down at his plate and got a bit of a fright. Vexhill said that he had to do a double take, ala Benny Hill, as right there in the middle of his blueberry crumpet he clearly saw an image of one of Pippa Mid...
Greater Manchester Police this evening revealed how extensive surveillance had brought down a gang intent on bringing terror to Manchester Airport. Dawn raids in Salford, Wythenshawe and Stretford resulted in the arrests of six individuals believe...
As the BBC "ooooopppp North" relocate from the centre of Manchester to Peel Holdings Place, otherwise known as Media City in Salford, the higher-paid executives earning more than the Prime Minister, so derided by the licence fee-payers for not appear...
Police officials today are calling the discovery of 'dozens' of dismembered Gazebos scattered throughout the city "a fiendish crime of horrific proportions that defy human understanding even for Manchester!" According to a spokesman the unknown s...
They're pacing Piccadilly in packs again, Piccadilly in Manchester that is. There is more than just the one in London. So, if you SoHo snobs and West End wannabes wanna know where the epicentre of hot things, stuff and malarkey is at, well, its oo...
Mancunian newspaper vendor, Johnny Trousers, of Ardwick Green today categorically denied that Mancunians have a speech impediment, and the real problem in that department lies with Scousers. "We're all right mate, we are, us," Trousers said. "It's...
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