Glasgow - The Venezuelan dictator famously gave his name to legions of 'council housed and violent' Brits known by the pejorative epithet 'Chav'. Identifiable by blingy street-couture chic the subculture's Scottish Nationalist branch is in mournin...
John o'Groats - Scotland's former primate is donning a hairshirt at a secluded rehab for penitent old Catlicks. The retreat is famous for its self-debriefing therapies that let penitents talk themselves out of x-rated stuff deemed too gross for th...
North Sea - Claims to North Sea oil and gas by the Scottish separatists' leader have been likened to Argentine President Cristina 'Mad Dog' Kirchner's obsession with the Falklands Islands a leading think tank said today. "Neither has a hope in he...
In a shock Holyrood announcement from the normally ignored Scottish Parliament, the marriage of Alexander Salmond (bachelor of the parish of fat, small fuckwits) and Tony Blair (spinster of the parish of unholy arseholes) has been announced. With...
Scottish ministers fear the savage retribution of their leader after their annual summer tour of the country during which they will hold meetings on Skye, and in Renfrew and Orkney. This will be the fifth consecutive year that the Cabinet has emba...
In scenes straight out of the Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Susan Boyle in a fit of rage destroyed the nation of Scotland over the weekend, but luckily there were no fatalities. Following months of gruelling work, SuBo as she is known to her fans had b...
A friend told me about a week or so before we left that he couldn't quite believe it was actually happening and weren't we concerned about racism. I recall frowning with genuine confusion. It wasn't as though John had ever been one to over-dramatise, that always fell to his wife, Lucy, and even as we had this conversation, she was frantically talking to her mother, advising her where the 'Meni...
The people of France have spoken, in French, to send a stark message to their political parties by choosing another country to rule over them. In a remarkable turn of events, the country of Holland will assume the French presidency after defeatin...
Documents leaked to The Herald newspaper this weekend have laid bare the morass of thinking at Holyrood that passes for policy these days. Alex Salmond has personally endorsed a scheme that would reverse the electricity grid back to wind turbines...
On Burns Night, 2012, the BBC broadcast to English viewers and listeners, Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, reading poems by Robert Burns. Few will forget the chilling threat that followed this attack. 'Ah will continue tae reid th' poems ay Rabbie Burns at ye sassenachs,' vowed a visibly crazed Mr Salmond, 'until Scootlund achieves independence. Indeed,' he added, with wild eyes bulging...
British team Scotland were last minute entries to the African Cup of Nations today, as they pursued their bid to get independence from the United Kingdom. Scotland First Minister Alex Salmond started the ball rolling two weeks ago when he pushed P...
Sandringham - The Palace has denied it's roll-ups that she's smoking as a new consignment of duty free Superkings arrived at the Norfolk mansion today. They are blaming her distaff side little bastard Alex Salmond for stoking the fires of republic...
AS the debate on the Scottish referendum kicks off in earnest, SNP leader Alec "Fishy" Salmond has issued a stark warning to the Westminster government: "I'll batter those stuck up Tory English c***s!" In a speech to party faithful at the 300-Year...
Lard, Ayrshire - They famously scooped £161 million on the Lot and wowed Alex Salmond with their £1 million SNP bung. Today Michelin Man lookalikes Colin and Chris Weird (sic) face the ignominy (WTF that? - 'Ed') of seeing their cheque returned.
Scotland: First Minister Alex Salmond today hit back at news agencies for describing the riots as English riots, the Scottish Premier was shocked to find out that no riots were going on in his beloved country, and has accused the media of an English...
SNP leader Alex Salmond is set to announce a major new income generating measure as his first action since his party's landslide election victory last week. The First Minister is to announce what has already been identified as anti English legisl...
Victorious SNP leader Alex Salmond has dedicated his party's stunning victory in last week's Holyrood elections to the Liberal Democrats' current boss Nick Clegg and Labour's former leader Gordon Brown. A delighted Salmond was quick to attribute p...
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