In a shock Holyrood announcement from the normally ignored Scottish Parliament, the marriage of Alexander Salmond (bachelor of the parish of fat, small fuckwits) and Tony Blair (spinster of the parish of unholy arseholes) has been announced.
With crippling saccharine, the present wives of the two lovers have agreed to revert to their premarital identities as raving, deluded loony and screaming banshee. In deference to Miss Salmond, this writer will refrain from further identificication of the ladies involved.
The wedding is to take place in Brussels, on the flight deck of a Trident nuclear submarine, since the Holy Loch base has been sold to Mecca Bingo as a mosque.
Mr Salmond, who intends to dress as Napoleon Bonaparte for the solemnisation, has been heard to observe that "lovely Alex has a bigger mouth than Cherie" and so may be hoping for a better BJ.
Good luck to the lovely couple - they deserve each other!
