Documents leaked to The Herald newspaper this weekend have laid bare the morass of thinking at Holyrood that passes for policy these days.
Alex Salmond has personally endorsed a scheme that would reverse the electricity grid back to wind turbines enabling Scotland to be 'blown' into the Atlanic in the event of a land attack from the south.
Scottish seismologists have discovered a tectonic fault that runs directly under Hadrian's wall meaning a well placed explosive could cut Scotland adrift and out into the high seas.
Islanders will be expected to make their own preparations for the move with the stark choice of either hitching a ride or fending for themselves. Some have even been told to abandon their homes and move to Northern Ireland which Mr Salmond described as "Pretty similar to East Glasgow - no trees and lots of guns."
The Home Office has played down suggestions of a land assault but warned Mr Salmond that Scotland must give prior notice to motorway users in addition to rail companies. Flight operators will also require the latest landing coordinates before take-off.
The news was greeted warmly by the treasury who today released 1000 balloons each containing a page of the Barnett Formula.
