Yucatan - (Toxic Money Laundering Ass Mess): Mexico's naval drug patrols have busted twenty evil loan sharks after finding a tonne of cocaine hidden inside their bodily crevices. "Something smelled very fishy," Mexican Navy Commander Eduardo Villa...
London - (Smack Bong Wallop Mess): Rotten customer service by get-rich-quick fly-by-night drug dealers was strongly criticised at Westmonster Coroners Court today. An inquest into the drug death of Nazi S&M fetishist Max Mosley's son Alexander...
Hollie Steel, the 10-year-old crybaby, who bawled her way into the nation's hearts with her stunning performance on Britain's Got Talent last night, has been disqualified from the competition, after she tested positive for several banned substances.
Paris - (Merde Alors! Mess): A spectacular £30 million cocaine raid on a Dover-bound British Transit Van... And the inexplicable disappearance of UK businessman Ian Griffin following the discovery of Polish blonde Kinga Legg's naked corpse in th...
London - (Bogota Ass Mess): The seizure of 684 kilos of cocaine in a Highgrove House 'Man & Van' in the Pont d'Alma Mater underpass where Princess Diana died has totally scuppered Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal wedding ambitions. Th...
London - (Fascist Ass Mess): Alexander Mosley, 39 year-old son of successful Nazi S&M dungeon story litigant Max Mosley, has been found dead at his Notting Hill home in what police have described as a classic smack-my-ass-up drug overdose scenari...
Buckingham Palace - In one of the biggest scandals to rock the monarchy since Henry VIII cut off the wrong wife's head, Prince Phillip, husband of Queen Elizabeth has been caught with 23 ecstasy tablets at a London nightclub. The incident happened...
Three children's TV characters are being held today after a drugs raid uncovered £1000's of heroin and cocaine. Officers from the In The Night Garden drugs squad recovered the drugs after a series of early morning raids carried out on the Pinky Po...
Evidence is mounting that the tentacles of the Mexican drug cartels have infiltrated the highest echelons of the American political establishment. On May 1st, the American State Department, fresh from sponsoring a massacre of 600 odd women and ch...
The brother of an 'A' List celebrity, who we cannot name for legal reasons, was killed last night in east London in what police describe as 'suspicious circumstances'. The man, aged 58 emerged from a pub on Whitechapel Road and appeared to stumble...
CORAL REEFER, CA - In a scathing report released today by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the nation's law enforcement and drug control agencies were accused of leading drug-sniffing dogs into a life of booze, sex, and addiction.
London - (BongHits4Hogwarts Mess): Harry Potter actor Jamie Waylett is the top suspect in the Met's raid on a North London $5,000 skunk farm. Waylett was busted in a dawn raid after a tip-off from neighbors who told cops the stench of wafting hybr...
Global drug giant Cheney Pharmaceuticals has added to their truth serum and torture chemicals, it's newest, latest human behavior modifier. Memorase is a single dose potion that can wipe all recollection of whatever remembrance that is chemically...
Bristol - (NOT Bristol Palin Ass Mess): A massive crack haul shut the Clifton Suspense Bridge today after an AA partol man spotted 'up to fifteen tonnes' dangling from one of its metal hanging rods. "Maybe some drug mule threw up over the side of...
The D.A.R.E.(Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program of the 1990's, thought by many to be a failure, is now gearing up to have another go at the youth of America with it's anti-drug message. Abington Township Police Chief Darryl Fleming bel...
Wasilla, Alaska - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Bristol Palin has dumped her fiance of three years following sordid press revelations about his mother's homegrown marijuana factory arrest. Palin, 18, had greased the wheels of her mother Sarah's GOP v...
Cairo - (Aswan Damn, Damn, Damn! Mess): Respect Party MP and UK reality tv eyesore George Galloway is livid after his Gaza-bound convoy was stoned outside the Great Pyramid Scheme of Geeza today. The party was said to be carrying a(c)id worth £1...
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