Bristol - (NOT Bristol Palin Ass Mess): A massive crack haul shut the Clifton Suspense Bridge today after an AA partol man spotted 'up to fifteen tonnes' dangling from one of its metal hanging rods.
"Maybe some drug mule threw up over the side of the bridge because of seasickness," a Bridgemaster's office source commented adding that on the whole it was a pretty rare event which had not happened for many weeks.
Engineering experts are now working night and day to airlift the millions of packed condoms that have bestrewed the southern side of Isambard Kingdom Brunel's magnificent erection.
The Grade 1-Listed national landmark is something of a suicide blackspot.
The Avon-Calling G(e?)orge below is a terrifying spectacle to be feared and respected.