Buckingham Palace - In one of the biggest scandals to rock the monarchy since Henry VIII cut off the wrong wife's head, Prince Phillip, husband of Queen Elizabeth has been caught with 23 ecstasy tablets at a London nightclub.
The incident happened at 1.13am last Friday 1st May. The Prince was lining up to get in the club when he was patted down, in a non sexual way, by one of the security guards - private parts, crown and all. The Prince had thought he had all his bases covered by embedding the ecstasy tablets in his jewelled crown, which he'd borrowed from his wife. He had replaced 23 of the 48 white sapphires with the white ecstasy tablets, ironically street-named "White Sapphires".
The Prince tried to protest his innocence by claiming the butler had framed him but he was not believed, due to the fact that Paul Burrell is currently in America. The Prince was hauled off to a local holding cell by 8 members of M15. A dawn raid was conducted on Buckingham Palace and a further 137 ecstasy tablets were found in the Prince's underwear drawer, along with 4 ounces of marijuana, 180 grams of ketamine and a kilo of cocaine. The Prince was then told he may be charged with Possession and Intent to Supply, though the Prince protested it was all "for personal use".
The Queen is said to be devastated by the revelations that her husband is not only a drug user, but a drug dealer. Prince Philip retorted by saying that Queen Elizabeth had "always suppressed" him, never let him follow a career as a Chef as he'd dreamed and so he had turned to drugs as a way of escapism and to make a little cash on the side.
It is not known the long term effects the arrest will have on the monarchy, but Prince Charles is said to be gnashing his teeth in anticipation for the Queen to abdicate the Crown.
Prince Philip just had one thing to say as he sucked on a lollipop: "love is all around, I love you, love me, love everyone, God is love. He he he. It's all good."