SAN DIEGO, CA (AP Newsliar) -- Gorillas and chimpanzees broke a decades long silence today to voice their chagrin at having lost the space race to humans.
AKRON, OHIO (AP Newsliar) -- Duke, a four-year old mutt of mixed Cocker Spaniel/Labrador heritage owned by Akron, Ohio residents Lou and Doris Beldner, has been arrested for practicing dentistry without a license.
SACRAMENTO, CA (AP Newsliar) -- Photographers captured Arnold Schwarzenegger in the act of flashing the gang sign to his homies.
Musgeekan, MI (AP Newsliar) -- In a spectacular bout that went into extra rounds, Akron Ohio resident Herbert Nerdenstein lost his title as the world's Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS) champion to Gayle McGeeken of Boise, Idaho.
HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY (AP Newsliar) -- Investigators believe they have found the man who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp, putting an end to a 46-year old mystery. The man's accomplice, believed to have put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-don...
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (AP Newsliar) -- Doctors at the Latter Day Saints Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah have been successful in their efforts to surgically separate the careers of Donnie and Marie Osmond.
WALES (AP Newsliar) -- Two previously unknown Rings of Power have been found in an ancient collapsed well in Wales. The rings were unearthed by construction workers who excavated the well while digging a new sewage line in Merthyr Tydfil.
TIPP CITY, OHIO (AP Newsliar) -- Local area resident Joe Botney is such a complete loser he can't even make the "L" loser sign on his forehead correctly, instead routinely using the wrong hand to make a "J".
NEW YORK (AP Newsliar) -- The evil supervillain known as "Sandman", an arch-enemy of Spiderman, has undergone a sex change operation and wishes to be known henceforth as "Sandwoman".
AP Newsliar -- Suzy Snowflake, a relatively obscure wintry snow-nymph, has been denied entry into the pantheon of mythical faerie-like creatures.
SEAWATER, CA (AP Newsliar) -- The spinach industry filed a joint lawsuit against Popeye the Sailor Man today, sources reported. The suit alleges that Popeye violated contractual stipulations related to his obligations as spokesman for the spinach in...
EMERALD CITY, OZ (AP Newsliar) -- Scarecrow has misplaced his brain again, the third time he's done so since making his epic journey to see the Wizard of Oz. Scarecrow's "brain", actually a diploma declaring him a "Doctor of Thinkology", was besto...
HOLLYWOOD (AP Newsliar) -- George W. Bush has been cast in a lead role in "Independence Day 2: Mission Accomplished", the sequel to the 1996 blockbuster by 20th Century Fox.
BEAVERTON, OREGON (AP Newsliar) -- Unemployment and homelessness is on the rise among the nation's chimpanzee population, amid a decline in the use of primates for animal research.
EASTER ISLAND (AP Newsliar) -- Breaking a seven hundred year long vow of silence, Matumanaraku -- one of the giant "moai" statue heads found throughout Easter Island -- pleaded for somebody to scratch his nose.
FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL (AP Newsliar) -- Deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, executed on December 30, 2006 for crimes against the people of Iraq, has been selected for a new role as Satan's official court jester.
WESTPORT, CONNECTICUT -- Westport police reported today that local residents Samantha and Darrin Stephens, of 1164 Morning Glory Circle, are under investigation for numerous disturbances and suspicious activities.
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