Wales- Masterchev was at the bar waiting for his favorite Wale's Ale. Skoob pulled the special lever, releasing the amber liquid from its specially made cask made from virgin teak wood imported from Thailand. The two stared at the glass and regarded each other. Masterchev tried to think of the words to confront his sorrow as he lifted the glass to his lips. Jeanlefete had vanished over a month...
It's just becoming public that thoroughly bloody annoying 'Death Wish' director, food critic, and insurance salesman Michael Winner has been poisoned whilst filming the latest series of his crap TV show 'The Insufferable Michael Winner's Poxily Prete...
Once upon a time milk sold in America was fine but in recent years Americans have been injecting dairy cattle with a bovine growth hormone which increases milk production up to 25% but the side effects are horrendous. The dairy cattle are now all ill and the milk produced is referred to by those in the know as White Poison as the milk produced includes PUS, BLOOD, ANTIBIOTICS and CARCINOGENS.
Hi, honey. I'm glad you stopped by. I've been thinking alot about what you said the other day about wanting a divorce, and I've finally calmed myself down enough to discuss this separation. And look! I've cooked us a lovely duck; your favorite! I took your advice, and after drinking myself into oblivion in the west wing of my mansion--sorry, our mansion for two weeks, I'm ready to "act li...
ICELAND - Suspicious letters containing a white substance addressed to local straight men were intercepted in at least six places on Monday, but tests indicated the white stuff in five of them was dried sperm. The letters were reported in Alaska,...
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The US Food and Drug Administration and the Department of Agriculture have jointly approved the use of cola as pesticides in farming and general pest control both outdoors and indoors. The two government organizations had...
Grand Forks ND - A spike in the pickleweasel population in the state has been linked to contaminated rat poison from China. Scientists at the University of North Dakota say that the poison, Rataway, which attacks the nervous system, has traces of foo...
TOXIC BOG, New Jersey - In a stunning development today, the EPA obtained an injunction from the Supreme Court shuttering the FDA, a prominent part of the United States Government. Dazed FDA officials wandered about the streets, looking for a gove...
Strong rumours are emerging from Chinese sources regarding a huge concrete in chocolate food scare. It is believed that for some years Chinese chocolate confectionery has been bulked out with concrete,obviously saving money and increasing aggregat...
Smegmadale Asbo Central College for the Intellectually-Challenged was tonight placed under a quarantine order as Department of Health inspectors, garbed in bio-hazard suits, took samples from the school's kitchen and canteen to determine the cause of...
EARTH, Solar System - It is reported from many reliable sources on this planet, and others, that the planet Earth is quite crowded. In fact, all the good spots are taken, and taken again, and taken again, and taken again.. in wars. Earthlings hav...
There was major concern in Japan today over two of the country's biggest food-producing organisations, when figures revealed that the Japanese public did not like their new Insecticide Flavour Noodles. The two companies involved, Nissin and Myojo,...
A high street sex shop has been providing sexsual sweets to adventurous and amorous erotics for decades now. One of their biggest sellers has been the "Tremendous Titty Taffy". That is until the Chinese melamine scare. They've now had to pull their t...
London - (God's Wanker Mess): A toxic whoremonger is the prime suspect behind an Alexander Litvinenko-syle radioactive cookery masterclass after the UK top spook Alex Allan was rushed to hospital.
Philadelphia PA -- University of Pennsylvania scientists announced today that deadly hydric acid has wormed its way throughout the biosphere. The caustic poison is also in many consumer products, especially tomatoes, baby food and all frozen foods. T...
The investigation into the 'poisoning' of several congressmen and women earlier this week, has come to a standstill. The two lead suspects, pro-turd antagonists, Duncan Whitehead and Tiki Murphy, were indeed helping Mark Lowton shop for his w...
The FBI concluded that ricin found in a Las Vegas hotel room resulted from a "gross misunderstanding" between a guest and room service. Room service staff misinterpreted a request for "rice and coke" as "ricin coke", str...
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