LOS ANGELES - Ryan Seacrest is reporting that he has just learned that Beyonce, Blake Shelton, and Honey Boo Boo will be recording a Christmas album. Seacrest was told by an insider on Team Beyonce that the "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" singe...
Dear Santa I know that this year has been a troubling year and I have been less than well behaved. With that being said, I am trying to do better. This year, I am not asking for "stuff". I was wondering if you could "throw me a bone" just before Thanksgiving, a sort of early Christmas present if you will. Is there any chance that you can put in a good word and get me a position as on...
1. Wii Fit "Twerk Showdown" game 2. Rob Ford's Rock 'Em Stalk 'Em Fembots 3. LEGO leftovers - discount lego sets! 4. Playstation Classic - Rollin' like it's '99 5. Rollin' Doobs Mountain Navigator Big Wheel 6. "Twerkin' for a Livin'" Barbie 7. "Out of the closet and at the Altar" Ken and Ben Dolls 8. "Out of the closet and at the Altar" Barbie and Betty Dolls 9. Di...
BENTONVILLE, AK-Sources close to the marketing department of Walmart Stores, Inc., the world's largest retailer, have confirmed that all Walmart stores will open at 1 p.m. local time on Christmas Day in order to kick off the frenzy of sales of Valent...
CHICAGO - Olympic Alpine skier Lindsey Vonn was in the Windy City visiting one of her high school teachers when she was approached by a sports reporter. Dottie Bazooka with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily asked the good-looking blonde about her rel...
A compulsive shoplifter was admitted to hospital in Margate today suffering from hypothermia. Gladys McGurgle of Conker Road was accused of theft from Tesco on Saturday. Police said that in addition to several other items, Mrs McGurgle had taken...
The following toys have already been recalled for Christmas this year after consumers Guide tested them out! Please return them for a refund. 14. Leggo Castle from Wham-O (Seems to be placed outside parents bedroom and when one comes out, WHAM-O!) 13. Little Lady Godiva with Stick Horse 12. The guillotine toe-nail clipper 11. Barn Roof Parachute. 10. Little Buddy's First Sledge...
Manc'ester Disunited gaffer David Boyes sensationally tried to grab the attention away from retired Alcy 'Guinness' Ferguson today by announcing his own book will be published next week, revealing all the secrets from his first three months at Old Tr...
Face it: Summer's gone. It's October. Let's talk Christmas. Over the next few weeks, I'll be helping you through the exciting - yet stressful - stages of planning your Perfect Festive Season. This week, I have some top tips for you regarding essential purchases to ensure that your home stands out from the crowd. ~ White icicle lights draped around house frontage are frankly too vulgar.
Here are two long long Chrisbus lettuce Dir Simon Horp yore havving a spivving time in the countryside, we know that you are. Just a little spiggy about us. Dad's had a shave and is the usual chips off the old bloke he's always been, Mary really is a grate size now but we horpe she won't bust before you arrive. Josie needs embalming after her accident and Ken (minus tail) won a lorry full of...
HOUSTON - NASA has decided that it needs to find ways to get back some of the interest in the space program that it has lost over the past few years. NASA spokesperson Sharleen Shadowshade, 47, stated that the Human Resources Department has come u...
Real life stories of revelations and resurrections will soon be making their way to your smart phone (smarter than you!) or desktop computer. Jesus Christ or as he is more commonly known, J-Sizzle, has joined the social media revolution. It is a...
Jolly Old Saint Nick they call him. Belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly. He gives presents to children all over the world, but did you ever wonder how he got to be Santa Claus? Groundbreaking evidence, in the form of ancient parchments, has ju...
A recent poll conducted by this writer has revealed that one of the most annoying, cringe worthy and irritating things about Christmas are those shit family Christmas cards you get from relatives and friends, depicting them and their kids dressed up...
The Prime Minister is recovering following an incident during the early hours of this morning in Downing Street when he was attacked by an intruder in his home. Thrown through a ground floor window the quick thinking Prime Minister then managed to st...
As the list of celebrities linked to the ongoing investigation into Jimmy Savile grows, it was revealed today that Santa Claus had been arrested by police. Santa, real name Father Christmas, was arrested with regard to offences dating back to the...
Santas Grotto, Lapland: It is Christmas Eve and Santa is getting ready on his 'mammoth task' to keep children all over the world happy with their Christmas gifts, just like it happened when Jesus was born in Bethlehem, when three wise men came bring...
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