Police are planning a zero tolerance campaign to catch people out who have had a turkey dinner after the official deadline of midnight on January 6th. Highly accurate Turkelyzer kits have been ordered by police forces throughout the U.K. The kits...
Technofiles rejoice! Apple have unveiled the latest addition to their ever expanding army of sense assaulting machines. 5S-teve! Included with this release will be a free download of IOS Jobs. The update comes with ruthless business acumen, foldi...
As Twelfth Night approaches, less people are taking down exterior lights and Christmas decorations than for any year previously, since the invention of exterior lights and Christmas decorations. "My neighbour always had a magnificent display," sai...
Spain punishes Gibraltar yet again for being Gibraltar. Santa and his reindeer and presents were made to queue on foot through the Spanish- Gibraltar border for 7 hours in a force 11 hurricane to punish Spanish and Gibraltar children for Santa's eff...
American hip-hop artist Kanye West has given his fans a Christmas gift they will never forget, deciding to legally change his date of birth to 25 December 4BC. West's groundbreaking age reclassification decision means he will not only share a birt...
Shoppers were stopped and interviewed by our blonde, intrepid reporter, and asked one simple question: if you could have anything you wanted from Santa, what would it be? Sarah, a single mother of two, said "Cash". Why cash? "Well, it's small,...
Many Torontonians and Americans have had their power knocked out by a catastrophic ice storm, but some are taking solace in the fact that being cursed with such utter darkness has taught them the true, horrible meaning of Christmas. The ice storm...
A truck carrying sacks of flour overturned on the I-64 ramp as it exits onto I-65. It spilled its load onto the highway below, and the high winds that blew east south east served to spread the snowy white holiday cheer. Several lanes of traffic were...
Major events at North Pole, Inc. are driving speculation about stability at the company. Over the last week, the company has made layoff announcements, had visits from government and business leaders, and met with Sara Palin (see "Sara Palin Visits Santa Claus"). Last week, the stock price fell 8% on fears of that Santa Claus, CEO of North Pole, Inc, cannot do the belt-tightening needed to keep...
For at least one group of people, Christmas can't be over soon enough. No, this group isn't comprised of Scrooges or Grinches but advocates for the colors green and red who say it's time society take back these two colors from Christmas and restore...
DES MOINES - The Iowa State Senate has just voted to ban two children's Christmas books on the grounds that the are highly inappropriate for the youngsters of the great state of Iowa. Senator Claudette Cora Wonderwillow [R-Sioux City] informed the...
A Christmas nutcracker-the largest ever seen in the mid Atlantic-has been spotted patrolling beaches in several prime locations geared for tourists heading south during the winter holidays. Marine biologist Susan "Sugar Plum" Farley reports, "It'...
Dear All, Once again this year I have singlehandedly saved the world on many occasions. I was able to stop people being in poverty and get myself a nice new hat. I have also found the cure to AIDS, HIV and Cancer so I will be saving all of those people next year. I would like to thank my friends in the Irish and British governments who looked the other way when I put all my money through a D...
SYRACUSE, New York - The upstate New York city of Syracuse, which is the birthplace of FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly, has decided that due to Kelly's way out-of-line comments about the color of Santa Claus' skin it will be forced to take some action.
NEW YORK CITY - FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly not content with her pervious controversial comments has now stated that she knows for a fact that half of Santa's elves are gay. The 43-year-old reporter was asked by American Spotlight Magazine's Fit...
LONDON, UK - Actor Peter O'Toole admitted that he'd go mad if he had to face another Christmas watching himself in Lawrence of Arabia. "Open presents, Christmas dinner, then sit down and find the only thing on tele is Lawrence of Arabia. What kin...
TORONTO, Canada - Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto, was exposed by undercover detectives as a Jamaican drug kingpin who was thought to have died in a narc plane crash several years ago. The discovery was unhatched during a Christmas party at City Hall whic...
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