Springfield IL- Sergeant Frank Garren stands boldly at 6-foot 4 and roughly 230 lbs, ostensibly an ominous presence to encounter if you're the enemy. That is, unless your adversary is a rogue rodent turned mercenary. Rapes, muggings and child abdu...
Pillsbury Utah- A team of renowned Paleontological Proctologists from Pillsbury were conducting routine rectal drilling in a petrified wooly mammoth's orifice when their drill struck the fully preserved skeletal structure of what appeared to be a...
Spokane WA- Ryan Clayton, a typical 34-year old resident of Spokane, was alone on vacation backpacking through a dense secluded forest, eating peanut shells and licking tree bark, when he tripped over an ice sculpture built by prodigious beavers with...
Wild octopuses are far from being the melancholic and forlorn losers of their captive brethren. At Berkeley, a team of sexually deprived marine biologists were assembled and sent to the coast of Indonesia to party with the octopuses, and study their...
In reality, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is to be taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.
Malibu Ca - In Hollywood, the paparazzi Nazis pulsate the news and cut off the circulation of the AP wire like drunken moils to feed their greed and public need for living the lavish life vicariously through the behavior of a celebrity to fill the ga...
There is an old familiar adage, "what goes up, must come down." Our brains have turned into the body's second appendix and it's been inducing paranoia in many high school dropouts who have taken drastic action in getting emergency l...
New York- Move over "Prison Break." "Oz," Surely you jest? Imagine a high-powered reality show that would pick eight rich, dysfunctional housewives out of millions that would be incarcerated an entire month within the heavily guar...
CHICAGO- The arch of an eyebrow or the curve of a lip tells chimps not only a lot about one another, but also behavior exhibited by primordial pundits and dimly lit politicians given positions within our government despite fruitless credentials analo...
CHIANG MAI, Thailand - Two pandas were married by a mammal-loving matrimonial minister that had nearly quit practicing until his phone rang relaying the good news. Thailand on Wednesday marks the 28th birthday of their zoo and what officials hope is...
As religious fodder once again fogs our glasses and clogs our ears in anticipation, the Vatican, after a long day of napping has awoken with a new revelation. Turns out that the 7 original deadly sins were in actuality at the bottom of the barrel, an...
Amidst the microcosm of sectarian violence and insurgent attacks, five Iraqis came together on an endeavor of menacingly musical temerity and agreed to start a band. They couldn't afford instruments and even more so the social embarrassment of pots and pans. Mortar attacks were too unpredictable which eliminated bass, so they decided to use their weapons. At first they were going to name thems...
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