Written by Wordsmith

Monday, 31 March 2008

image for New evidence lambastes human reproduction with theory of "storkism"

In reality, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork. If the theory of sexual reproduction is to be taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.

Alternative theories, such as the Cadbury Bunny, the stork and clandestine subcultures of asexual, hermaphroditic deviants must also be taught, bought and sold to every young erudite with the propensity to subscribe to Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every Disney montage depicting storks perched on cumulous clouds with a map and newborn squirming in their mouths.

The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain. And there have also been sporadic sightings of couples fleeing from massive feathered fleets with pendulous goiters intent on coitus.

The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. However, babies born before or after this deadline usually mysteriously disappear with forensic evidence leading up to abandoned nests high up in light houses and several uninhabited islands.

According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, according to a recent consensus conjured up and funded by the CSD (Coalition of Scientific Digressions)…that there are numerous undocumented cases where sexual outer-course has led to the birth of a child and is the very reason that humans have nostrils, ear canals and other unmentionable orifices.

For hundreds of years the Cadbury Bunny has been under constant scrutiny for sexual mutiny in warrens and cornfields resulting in the yields of over a million chocolate hatchlings a year squeezed from the furry butts of rabbits with hen-like habits.

In the context of sexual outer-course, the entire rabbit species as a whole has been a heated moot point involving countless demonstrations that entail rubbing two rabbits together until eventually either spawning or bursting into flames.

Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing, which has led to a spike in their net worth making babies a viable future currency and the stork a protected species declaring open season on genetic clones of the recently engineered breed of Cirrostratus Sheep.

The theory of the stork can only be justified by the power of 'the force', an energy field created by all living things by the imagination of George Lucas and adopted in sad jest by crazed, power-mongering Scientologists armed with the potent notion that Hollywood special effects are in fact real and that children are the ancient byproduct of "Thetan's," a gigantic peripatetic vagina in the shape of a stork that remains virtually invisible to the naked eye until the trillionth birth on our planet earth; which transmits a high frequency radio wave into outer space interrupting Jesus from his vacation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pregnancy, Babies, stork

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