Hello It's Bono. Dis year I have had to deal with those naughty boys from ISIS. Da buggers ran around killing people in Paris in an attempt to stop me singing. But I was able to get back on stage and show dem. Nothing stops Bono. I plan to go to the middle east and take care of dem personally in the new year. This has got personal. You do not try to stop Bono. While I was in Paris I wa...
The criminal investigation into Sepp Blatter has discovered that the Soccer boss is in fact Comedian and Prankster Andy Kaufman, who was thought to have died in 1984. Many people have over the years pointed out some similarities between Kaufman a...
Labour Leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn today told supporters that were he to be elected Prime Minister he would exhume the body of Margaret Thatcher and place it on trial for her crimes and expunging her premiership from history. "First I wi...
Following on from his announcement that women only trains be run, to stop women being molested, Labour leadership frontrunner has gone further by suggesting that all people wear a simple garment that is both loose and unflattering to stop any sort of...
Labour leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn has called for all Dolphins in British water parks to be expelled from the country, after a Palestinian group accused Israel of using trained Dolphins to spy on them. Mr Corbyn said in a speech to suppo...
The President of the New Hampshire Star Trek Society has come under fire today after his parents claimed that he was not in any way a Vulcan. The parents of Solek claimed that he is actually a fully human man named Stephen Greyson who only starte...
The cream of the Ethiopian pop world today gathered at a studio in downtown Addis Ababa to record a special single to raise money for the starving in Britain. The song 'Now they know Starvation' shares a tune with the 1984 Band Aid single, 'Do th...
Hello Hello, Dis year I have been busy saving the world again. My friend and fellow tax exile Sir Bob let me sing on Band Aid again. So that I could start in my new mission to eradicate Ebola. I think I will have this all cured by Christmas, but I will be promoting my other things as well. I now have a rival, Russell Brand, who thinks he can be the saviour of the world. He can't there is on...
A Tokyo man was jailed today for abducting the children's character Hello Kitty from a playground in Tokyo in May. The man Masahno Takakity had attempted to argue that his actions were justified as he was a scientist investigating the work of Erw...
The Liberal Democrats are heading into the summer recess with an uncertain future. After a mauling at the hands of Labour in the local elections and coming fourth tied with the anti european Greens in the EU elections it seems that Nick Clegg is not...
Britain can no longer call itself Great Britain after a high court ruling today. The Law Lords have decided after seeing evidence of poverty on a scale not seen outside of Africa that from now on Britain should be known as Bit Crap Britain instead.
Scholars at the Shrine of the Book museum in Jerusalem were shocked today when a fragment of the dead sea scrolls being studied for the first time under ultraviolet light stated that Jesus did not invent The Big Society and in no way condones the act...
As it enters its 25th year the popular BBC show 'Top Gear' has been reveled to receive £3.2m of taxpayers money as it is seen to be an essential part of David Cameron's immigration strategy. "Look 'Top Gear' is hosted by my good chum Jeremy so it...
Dear All, Once again this year I have singlehandedly saved the world on many occasions. I was able to stop people being in poverty and get myself a nice new hat. I have also found the cure to AIDS, HIV and Cancer so I will be saving all of those people next year. I would like to thank my friends in the Irish and British governments who looked the other way when I put all my money through a D...
Frustrated by the fact that England qualified for the World Cup in Brazil next year at the first time of asking. The Sun newspaper have had to resort to dirty tricks in their attempt to get manager Roy Hodgeson replaced by their man Harry Redknapp be...
Having sent out the Mayor of London and the Chancellor of Exchequer to forge closer links with China David Cameron is already taking inspiration from Chinese lawmakers about how to deal with the Police Federation in the row over Andrew Mitchell.
The Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre today called on the department of health to release the name of the 15 million people a year who receive treatment on the NHS. He said in his statement. "The NHS is anti British. Having free at point of service health...
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