TOPEKA, Kansas – (Satire News) – The Kansas state legislature has just announced that they have voted to ban a phrase that was offensive to many Kansans who are gay. The phrase is ‘Christmas elves are fairies’. The amendment known as Fairies 41…
Embattled US Attorney General Jeff Sessions has left Washington to be with his people in the Village of Pelthor* deep in an Alabama forest. Sessions returns to his stomping grounds as a hometown hero for rising to the level of US Attorney General...
The University of Dayton Research Institute in Dayton, Ohio made an announcement Oct. 19 on a groundbreaking discovery in the realm of general lighting. UDRI president John E. Leland announced the findings of the decades-long research project to nati...
Santa Claus admitted using Elves and Pixies with no N.I. numbers to an undercover reporter working for The Sunday Leftovers. 100,000 elves were freed by police and granted bail, pending an investigation by Immigration Control. Santa is thought by som...
NEW YORK CITY - FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly not content with her pervious controversial comments has now stated that she knows for a fact that half of Santa's elves are gay. The 43-year-old reporter was asked by American Spotlight Magazine's Fit...
North Pole, Inc. today announced drastic workforce reductions and re-alignment of strategic assets, following years of stagnant revenues. Analysts had expected spending cuts for several months but not this close to Christmas. The US Elf on a Shelf D...
Although it was kept secret for almost a whole year, Santa Claus and all his reindeer plus three, some say as many as six elves died last year in a terrible accident. It was only when several spy agencies began comparing notes that they finally be...
As the list of celebrities linked to the ongoing investigation into Jimmy Savile grows, it was revealed today that Santa Claus had been arrested by police. Santa, real name Father Christmas, was arrested with regard to offences dating back to the...
The Christmas gift company Christmas Bells & Whistles has just mailed out its yearly catalog which contains over 16,000 Christmas gifts, including 97, which are brand new for the 2011 holiday season. The catalog contains over 700 pages and lists everything from armadillo shaped Christmas cookie cutters to green and red stripped zebra pajamas. One of last years biggest sellers was the Ho...
"A pox on their house," was the reaction of Mr. Claus when he found out he wouldn't be hired by one Midwestern town in the U. S. this year. He controlled his language in consideration of Mrs. Claus, who was standing at his side when he got the news.
The wind did it. So they say. Hogwash! It wasn't the wind at all. It was a group of elves from Santa's workshop who made a quick visit from the North Pole to Washington, D.C., and knocked down the tree. Why? you ask. Chief Elf Elvis, at a p...
North Pole - Santa will be short-handed going into the last phases of toy build-out this year. It seems that a hunting party of Inuits shot four of Santa's elves, mistakenly identifying the elves as seals. Nanook, the head of the hunting party,...
The elves who reside at the end of the rainbow have filed a lawsuit against the Obama administration. The elves are claiming that his secret service broke into there houses in the middle of the night and confiscated all the gold they have saved u...
North Pole - Stanislaw Ladvigdar, President of E.L.F. Local 212, stated that the elves have been working under the same contract for the last 300 years and if a new contract isn't offered by midnight tonight, they are going to go on strike. The El...
It's official! Santa Claus' North Pole elf workers are a bunch of stupid little annoying bastards. The miniature freaks toil all day and night in cramped workshops in sub-zero temperatures for the Christmas season but still find time to appear in Sa...
Radiocarbon dating suggests tiny, barefoot people lived as peaceful, beer-drinking farmers and gardeners over three thousand years ago.
Forget the plans for the Roosevelt Hotel, in La La Land,Ca; the elf formerly known as a singer/guitar playing Jehovah's Witness says he wants to take his show on the road, to Uranus!...
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