Although Brian Asshat has for years been working away at the best methods of curating pencil shavings, and the best way to show off a collection of paper clips, not to mention his work in correcting the grammar of complete strangers on the internet,…
Recent news of Lewis Hamilton receiving a knighthood in the New Year's honours list has left one London cabbie 'gutted'. John Smith, 56, has been a black cab driver for 30 years, and in that time has taken close to 600,000 fares. But news of Lewis…
The Queen's New Year's Honours List was revealed yesterday, and, it's fair to say, there were very few surprises. Former funnyman, now a 'travel documentarian', Michael Palin, got one, and 1960s (yes, 1960s!) fashion icon, Twiggy, got one, and so...
London, UK - Queen Elizabeth is to issue a Royal Pardon in the New Year's Honors List forgiving one of the nation's top sex offenders plus some very lucky mates. The new spirit of reconciliation with excluded minorities means prolific serial perv...
In a shock announcement today, a previously unknown scientist is a surprise late addition to the New Year's Honours list, receiving an OBE for services to the nation. Paul Montgomery, 31, from Pewsey, revealed he had fitted snow tyres to his car...
Number Ten and the Palace are said to be 'stunned' by the news that the wrong New Years Honours list has been published. According to the Palace, there was a minor lapse in security on Boxing day, when Philip and Camilla got a bit drunk and 'hacke...
A glaring omission from this years New Years Honours list has seen tv celebrity/former 'singer' and media ho Kerry Katona express her disbelief yesterday. Speaking from the star studded gala that closed the 'Save a Chav for Crimbo' charity campaig...
A major funder of the Conservative Party and a hedge fund manager, Toby Moneybags, has been awarded for his 'services to the nation' with a knighthood in the New Year's Honours list. 'This is to celebrate the Big Society' claimed David Cameron 'sh...
London - Some of the New Year's Honours List gong winners are so bad that police want to put them through a polygraph. Notorious characters who have blighted the British Way of Life feature in the List, compiled in association with the London Coll...
Yorkshire - Miss Verrity Blewstocking, MA Oxon (Hons), confirmed today she'd been schmoozed 'for more than five years' by Tony Blair to accept a damehood for service to education. "I first turned it down on aesthetic grounds," the headmistress of...
"So what happened this time around with the recuperating-from-poverty J.K.Rowling and that elusive Damehood? Couldn't her pals in government and the media who have been hiding her sorry ass from scrutiny for years and years swing it for her? Did she not dump enough ill-gotten spondoolicks into Labour's coffers and God knows what other powerful pockets? Kids, blogs, gremlins, foreigners, dope addic...
London - (Gong Hits 4 Hogwarts!): A simple £10 million bung to the Duke of Edinburgh University medical school was all it took. It will fund the building of a dedicated treatment center for degenerative personality diseases - to treat plagiarists...
In a radical shake-up of the traditional process for selecting the recipients of Knighthoods and other honours, the British public will now be invited to help decide. A telephone vote, much like the polls used by programs such as the X-Factor and St...
Paul Wallner, 34, who battered his wife to death, and then hid her body in a freezer in a shed in his garden for three years, has been jailed for life. He convinced her family that she had died of natural causes and went to extreme lengths to main...
Staus Quo guitarists Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt today received their OBE's from another old rocker, Her Majesty the Queen, and said they were 'bored with the same 3 chords after 30 years of playing them'. 'Same chords, same beat, no wonder bas...
Today the British tiddlywinks gold medal winner, Chris Ahoy, was honoured in the New Year's honours list. 'It's an honour to be honoured', Ahoy said, 'I'm the first Briton since 1899 to win 5 gold medals at tiddlywinks. The Americans can't match t...
A Buckingham palace spokesman was said to be livid that news of some of this year's New Year Honour recipients had leaked out. The spokesman was said to be especially incensed as he had intended selling it to the Sun himself tomorrow. The list, fu...
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