Q. How do we know that God is a man?
A. Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
Q. What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A. One's a mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.
Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is
handsome, a good lover, and a stimulating partner?
A. In the pages of a romance novel.
Q. Why did God give women orgasms?
A. So they've got something else to moan about.
Q. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
Q. How is a man like a used car?
A. Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A. You come in one and go in the other.
Q. How do you scare a man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q. Why did God make man first?
A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.
Q. What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A. A candlelit football stadium.
Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Q. What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A. One is hairy, smelly, and is always scratching its arse and the
other's a chimpanzee.
Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A. When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take
your house and car with them.
Q. What's the best way to a man's heart?
A. Through the back with a Stanley knife.
Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMT and a pitbull?
Q. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. They won't stop to ask directions.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
Q. Why don't women have men's brains?
A. Because they don't have penises to keep them in.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
A. They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands
who end up playing with them.
Q. What is the perfect man?
A. A gingerbread man... He's sweet, he's quiet, and if he gives you
any hassle you can bite his head off.
Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phones home.
Q. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A. A pizza and a six pack.
Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A. Because men fake foreplay.
Q. What have a fat bird and a scooter got in common?
A. They're both a good ride but you wouldn't want your mates to see
you on either.
Q. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A. 60p a minute.
Q. What do you call a man who comes after half an hour or your money
A. The pizza delivery guy.
Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a tart?
A. A tart sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with
everybody at the party except you.
Q. What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A. A man will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?