Question. A new asparagus club was just formed. What was it called?
Answer. (1) The Friendly Ferns, (2) The Fearsome Spears, (3) The Stinky-Ps, (4) The Minnesotans (because only in Minnesota would there be an asparagus club)*
Correct Answer: 3.
Why? Well, 4 was a good guess, but 3 captures the essence of what asparagus is all about. Still not convinced? Do this. Eat 6 spears of asparagus. Take your time. You don't want to get indigestion. A little sauce over them might be nice. Then drink 20 ounces of water. Chat with a friend while you wait approximately 20 minutes.
The answer will become self-evident.
*Editor's Note: Well that's not entirely true. To clarify: Only in Minnesota would there be amateur clubs celebrating the asparagus, but Minnesota has lots of hobby-like clubs that celebrate everything from asparagus to hummingbird feeders to the heartbreak of Creeping Charlie to new developments in tuna casseroles.
Minnesotans have a lot of free time on their hands. It's part of the deal with living in the dark and frozen north for nine out of twelve months. Living under those conditions means Minnesotans--like Wisconsinites, Alaskans, Russians, and Swedes--drink a lot, generally more than they should, but at any rate, their drinking leads them to do silly things like forming asparagus clubs. For all anyone knows, someone said as a joke, "Hey, Karl, let's form an asparagus club," and Karl, too drunk to know any better, replied, "Sure, sounds good to me."
Pity the Minnesotans. And try not to spend too much time in Minnesota. They don't really want you there anyway. Oh, sure, you may have heard of Minnesota Nice. What you may not have heard is that it's a condition that precedes the Zombie Apocalypse. Fair warning. Seriously. If you're driving from Chicago to Fargo, take a detour through Iowa.