Is the glass half empty or half full?
1. Metaphysicist: There is no glass. It's just an illusion, so the glass can be as full as you will it to be.
2. Therapist: If you work hard enough, the water level can be whatever you need it to be. Besides, you can learn to be okay with the water being at whatever level it is and accept things as they are.
3. Bully: The glass is completely empty because it's all over you!
4. Suicidal person: It's full enough to wash down the poison.
5. Religious person: Just pray to God, and there'll be enough water for you. Just trust and have faith.
6. Chemist (US usage): I'm not sure it's water. It could be hydrogen peroxide. Let's run an assay on this.
7. Fortune teller: I see into the future, and within the next five minutes, it will be empty. That is what the guides are telling me, and oh, I'm quite thirsty.
8. Pervert: I know it's more than half full since I just jizzed in it. Now I wonder who's gonna drink it?
9. Troll: It's half full of a dangerous substance called dihydrogen monoxide that we're trying to get banned. People die from this stuff, it causes wrecks, causes slips and falls, and it is even used to help facilitate drug use. Fish even [mate] and [defecate] in this stuff. By the way, I just peed in it!
10. Drunk: I can't decide if it is half full of water or half empty of booze.
11. Computer: As long as that half remains in the glass and the other half isn't on me, I don't care.
12. Transgender: It started out being miserable and half-empty, then it transitioned to become half-full. The glass is part of the non-binary concept of glass fullness. This glass deserves all the same rights as a completely full glass.
13. Cynic: Here you go. Don't say I didn't give you a donation for the proposed municipal swimming pool.
14. ReactOS: What do you expect? The water isn't finished as we're currently still at alpha stage, but at least it isn't Linux. Just check our Jira page to report this bug if nobody has already reported it.
15. Obama: It is half empty because it is the White man's fault. This is why we need government managed watercare.
16. Trump: Let's make water great again! Let's put up a fence to keep illegal immigrants from stealing our water and defiling it.
17. Freud: This glass could be half empty due to something that happened in it's childhood. Then again, sometimes half a glass of water is only half a glass of water.
18. Dr. Spock: It's only half full because its parents gave it too much discipline. Now its self-esteem is damaged and it cannot reach its full potential.
19. Dr. James Dobson: Just read my new book called, "The Strong-Willed Glass of Water."
20. Gay: The laws of physics are just discriminatory here. I mean, why can't water unite with a glass that's made out of liquid water, and why can't you unite two glasses by pouring one into the other? Why can only water and a glass unite?
21. Purple Girl: But does the water and the glass come in purple?
22. Scam artist: That's really Kim Kardashian's pee and I'm gonna list it on eBay. Oh, and Miley Cyrus' drool is in there too.
23. Phishing attempt: We're Tesco Bank and if you sign in and fix the problems with your account, we'll give you this water.