Wedding Nights Different Down South

Submitted by Bureau

Monday, 5 August 2013

Myrtle is from East Tennessee and they have different wedding customs than we do in Cleveland. Maybe it's because there's a lot of farmers down there. Pretty country.

But silly people.

They followed us on our wedding night and stayed up all night singing songs, setting off firecrackers and yelling for us to get on with it.

By the time we took a shower, we were too exhausted to do anything but listen to the noise. In other words, all the fireworks were going on outside instead of inside.

Anyway, it's tough to get rid of the smell and after 2 showers each, we still stank and Myrtle had some crap in her hair.

You see, instead of rice, they throw cow shit for you to have a fertile marriage and that stuff clings like bubble gum, especially after it gets wet.

If we renew our vows, it'll be here in Cleveland.

-I.B. Moleturd (Myrtle claims she KNEW she had become a moleturd that first night)

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