My personal favourites are in bold...
"José Maria de Eça de Queiroz, translated from Portuguese
Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently and all for the same reason!"
Prime Minister Gordon Brown on meeting Rochdale resident, Gillian Duffy, during the run up to the UK General Election, April 2010
See clip below.
John Prescott - Now Lord Prescott and one of Labour's candidates to be Liverpool a police commissioner later this year.
"The Green Belt is a Labour initiative and we intend to build on it!"
"Tony Banks described the English fans arrested in Marseilles as brain-dead louts, that goes for me as well!"
John Prescott - Now Lord Prescott and one of Labour's candidates to be Liverpool a police commissioner later this year.
"Lord Birt, he wasn't a paid advisor and I think he was worth every penny"!
Mayor of London Boris Johnson
"Yes, cannabis is dangerous, but no more than other perfectly legal drugs. It's time for a rethink, and the Tory party, the funkiest, most jiving party on Earth is where it's happening!"
Guy Fawkes, 6 November 1605
"A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Governor of California 2003
"Money doesn't make you happy. I have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million"
"We need more Politicians, like Custer needed more arrows!"
Clive Anderson on TV
"The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the Liberal party!"
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end!"
William Whitelaw, Conservative Lord President of the Council and Leader of the House of Commons, 1972
"Harold Wilson is going around the country stirring up apathy!"
Edward Heath, Conservative prime minister
"I have no interest in sailing around the world. Not that there is any lack of requests for me to do so!"
George Bush at his finest
"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another!"
"A fool and his money are soon elected!"
George W Bush, wasn't he a quoting gem?
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls!"
Cyril Smith (Former Liberal UK Member of Parliament, and wise man!)
"The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End!"
Will Rogers - Comedian, social commentator, vaudeville actor
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts!"
"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'!"
Ronald Reagan's Gem of Gems!
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting!"
Sir Ernest John Pickstone Benn, 2nd Baronet (25 June 1875 - 17 January 1954)
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it wrongly, and applying unsuitable remedies!"
"In politics, absurdity is not a handicap!"
Tony Blair - before he declared war on Iraq
"Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war!"
David Hume, First Principles of Government
"Nothing appears more surprising to those who consider affairs with a philosophical eye, than the ease with which the many are governed by the few!"
Harold Wilson 1964
"Have you ever noticed how we only win the World Cup under a Labour government?"
Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"Traditionally most of Australia's imports come from overseas1"
French President Charles de Gaulle
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese!"
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book!"
"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth!"
"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic!"
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people!"
Otto Von Bismark
Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied!"
"It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed!"
David Cameron - Unbelievable!
"I think in any organisation it's right to set out what you stand for, what you're fighting for and bring that together in one document so that people can see that the modern compassionate Conservative Party is in it for everybody - not just the rich!"
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks!"
George W. Bush - Even for him this was extra-special Gobbledygook!
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right!"
Jean Chretien (Former Prime Minister Of Canada)
"A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. Proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven!"
"We expect the Salvadorean officials to work towards the extremination of human rights!"
"In democracy everyone has the right to be represented, even the jerks!"
"It's easy being a humourist when you've got the whole government working for you!"
"The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected!"
"I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty!"
George W Bush - bless him!
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we!"
Alfred E. Newman
"Crime does not pay as well as politics!"
"Artificial hearts are nothing new - Politicians have had them for years!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger, during the recall campaign
"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman!"
"The typical citizen drops down to a lower level of mental performance as soon as he enters the political field. He argues and analyses in a way which he would readily recognize as infantile within the sphere of his real interests. He becomes primitive again!"
"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting!"
Tony Blair Nov 1994
"I got fed up with all the sex and sleaze and backhanders of rock and roll so I went into politics!"
"Politics is the art of making your selfish desires seem like the national interest!"
Roger Lyons trade-union leader, on Michael Portillo's appointment as employment secretary, Aug 1994
"It's like putting Dracula in charge of a blood bank!"
George Bernard Shaw
"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career!"
Tony Benn Labour member of Parliament, Feb 1996
"Being wrong is one of the privileges of public life, and indeed it is widely practised in the House of Commons and Lords!"
H L Menchen(September 12, 1880 - January 29, 1956)
"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favour of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office!"
Enoch Powell speaking in 1967
"History is littered with the wars which everybody knew would never happen!"
"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage!"
"A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar!"
Enoch Powell 1965
"Politicians who complain about the media are like ships captains who complain about the sea!"
Frank Fields, Labour MP
"The House of Lords is a model of how to care for the elderly, but only the rich elderly!
Boris Johnson, Aug 1999, now Mayor of London
"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive!"
David (Etonite) Cameron
"What you call austerity is what I might call efficiency!"
Boris Johnson, 2012, now Mayor of London, on Euro-scepticism
"I can hardly condemn UKIP as a bunch of boss-eyed, foam-flecked Euro hysterics, when I have been sometimes not far short of boss-eyed, foam-flecked hysteria myself!"
Boris Johnson - on Tony Blair
"It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall."
Boris Johnson - On using a mobile phone while driving
"I don't believe that is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on!"
Boris Johnson - On how to vote
"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3!"
"Political language, and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists, is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind!"
"Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong!"
"George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles!"
"Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel!"
Adlai E. Stevenson
"The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning!" Just ask Cameron and Clegg!
Ray McConnell 1960
"Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you!"
Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them!"
Plato, The Republic
"Mankind will never see an end of trouble until... lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power... become lovers of wisdom!"
Winston Churchill, just before leaving the Liberal party to join the Conservatives
"Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party!"
"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first!"
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal!
"How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss United Kingdom?"
Aesop a fabulist or story teller - 620 BC
"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office!" Still the same, but now we just put the thieves in prison... the politicians are still free though!
George Jean Nathan
"Bad MPs are elected by good citizens who do not vote!"
"The most difficult choice a politician must ever make is whether to be a hypocrite or a liar!"
"Politicians: One wanders to the left, another to the right. Both are equally in error, but, are seduced by different delusions!"
"I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate!"
George R.R. Martin
"Politicians were mostly people who'd had too little morals and ethics to stay lawyers!"
"If politicians stopped meddling with things they don't understand, there would be a more drastic reduction in the size of government than anyone in either party advocates!"
"Nothing can be said about our politics that has not already been said about painful piles and nepotism!"
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Politics is far more complicated than physics!"
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"The more you read and observe about this politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party's worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best!" (Nothing changes!)
"Clinton and his cigar was so much greater a man than Bush and his rifle!"
"Actors are good liars; writers are good liars with good memories, politicians are brilliant liars with PA,s, Spin doctors, and a lot of cash!"
"Politicians are all algebra liars: they figure two good lies make a positive!
Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1889) French social philosopher
"In politics... shared hatreds are almost always the basis of friendships!"
Jon Major, when Tory Prime Minister
"A consensus politician is someone who does something that he doesn't believe is right because it keeps people quiet when he does it!"
"A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth!"
"A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country!"
"A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen!"
"Politics: The art of governing mankind by deceiving them!"
"A politician's goal is always to manipulate public debate. I think there are some politicians with higher goals. But all of them get corrupted by power!"
"I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live!"
"I've learned in my years as a journalist that when a politician says 'That's ridiculous' you're probably on the right track!"
H. L. Mencken
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.