In a launderette:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In London Department store:
Bargain Basement now located on the third floor!
In a South London office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In a Huddersfield Stationery office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
Outside a Leeds second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Exmoor Quicksand Warning:
Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Aldershot dry-cleaning window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Woolwich Health Food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
Warminster and Frome Safari Park sign:
'Elephants' Please Stay In Your Car!
Outside Nottingham Business Centre:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor!
On Nottingham Tale-Away window:
New Chicken & Pepper Pizza - using only the best cuts of Pork!
Triumph Road, Nottingham
This road will be closed for essential repairs from: 45th Feb to 11th Feb 2012!"
Cardiff Office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
On roadway outside a school in Luton:
School Free Drug Zone - Enforced!