Consciousness: - the time between naps.
Accountant: - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.
Wedding: - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Justice: - a decision in your favour.
Paradox: - two physicians.
Court of law: - the place where a suit is pressed and a man can be taken to the cleaners.
Flattery: - an insult in gift wrapping.
Alimony: - the cost of loving.
Capitalism: - the survival of the fattest.
Oboe: An ill woodwind that no-one blows good.
Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.
Nepotist: A Politician.