Tickle Your Arse With a Feather?

Submitted by mikewadestr

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Back in the day when I was just out of college, I worked for a defense contractor just outside of Washington, DC that was sub-contractor to a much bigger company that manufactured some really big and important submarines in a place in the state of Connecticut.

I was sent by my employers to attend a meeting at this place and to get there I had to take a plane into Providence Rhode, Island and a rental car thereafter, a trip which took a good hour and a half, by car that is.

I arrived after dark at Providence and as I proceeded to drive to my destination, I was confronted by a very large fog bank which engulfed the entire road and forced me to find the nearest lodging that I could procure for the night with the intent of continuing my journey the very next day.

The lodging I chose, or should I say that it chose me, was a Howard Johnson's Hotel. After checking in I decided to contribute to the local economy by visiting the hotel's bar and maybe get lucky with one those of the opposite gender of myself.

Upon entering the bar, I quickly deduced that, while my chances of enhancing the local economy look promising, getting any of that tender loving care was pretty much out of the question.

The bar consisted of three people, two if you did not count the bartender.

There was a guy at the far left of the bar talking to the bartender and there as a guy at the far right of the bar having a serious conversation with his drink. I chose to sit in the middle of the bar since it seemed to be a nice neutral spot.

After some time a good looking woman walked into the bar and took a seat between me and the guy who was talking to the bartender. It was not a moment before the guy who was talking to the bartender sidled up beside her and started talking to her. After no more than 2 minutes, the woman immediately jumped up and appeared to be extremely offended at the guy. The guy said something back and the woman immediately calmed down and finished her drink and then left the bar.

Not long afterwards, another good looking woman walked into the bar and sat down in the same seat that the previous woman left. Once again the same guy sidled up to her and started talking to her. Within 2 minutes, the woman's back went straight and she stood up and the two of them left together and headed into the hotel lobby and up to the guy's room.

While I was trying to figure this whole thing out, the other guy at the bar decided to give up his conversation with his drink and came and sat next to me and asked in a very, very inebriated voice:

"Did you see that?"

"Yes I did", I answered.

"First the guy comes up to a woman and starts talking to her and the next thing you know is that she gets madder than a hen. Then the guy says something to her and she calms down finishes her drink and leaves. Then another woman comes in and the guy starts talking to her and the next thing you know, she goes up to his room with him. What the hell was that all about?"

"I have no idea, but when or if he comes back, maybe we should ask him".

In about 20 minutes time that guy showed back up at the bar and took his original seat. The two of us came up to the guy and asked just what had transpired. The guy laughed and said:

"Well, it's an old trick. I come up to them and say a couple of lines and then ask: 'Tickle your ass with a feather?'"

"If they like it, I get a home run and if they get offended I look at them strangely and say: "I said typically nasty weather!"

"You guys should try it on the next woman that comes in".

Well, the drunk and I looked at one another and before I could say anything, he stated that he was next.

Within about five minutes another good looking woman walked into the bar and proceeded to sit down at a stool not far from us. The drunk immediately moved next to her and started talking to her. Within 60 seconds the woman stood up red faced and poured a drink over the guys head and then pushed him down before heading out of the door.

The two of us went to help the guy up and asked what he said to her and he responded:

"I did what you told me to do, I asked her: 'stick a feather up your ass?'"

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