Arsene Wenger is called in the middle of night by the London Fire Brigade.
"Mr. Wenger? I'm afraid there's been a fire at the Emirates Stadium," says the fireman.
"Did you manage to save the cups?" Wenger asks anxiously.
"Yes, Don't worry Arsene, they're fine," replies the fireman, "The fire didn't reach the kitchens."
Fabio Capello in the year 2025
He applies for a job managing a Florida lemon grove.
The owner is puzzled and asks the him, "I'm not sure that I can employ you because you just don't have the experience. Have you ever picked lots of lemons before?"
"ER, yes!" he replied!
British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Nottingham Forest.
The company think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
Q: What is the difference between Coventry and the bermuda triangle?
A: The bermuda triangle has three points.
Cristiano Ronaldo walks into a Burger King in Milan and asks for two Whoppers.
"Okay," says the cashier. "You're not a prat and your hair's lovely."
Q: How do you make a Liverpool fan run?
A: Build a job centre!