The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. -- Robert Orben
Practice safe eating, always use condiments. -- Lynda Montgomery
Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going, "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds. I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing." -- Denis Leary
Last time I went to the movies, I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a barbecue in a long time. -- Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra-medium." -- Steven Wright
A friend got some vinegar in his ear; now he suffers from pickled hearing. -- Anonymous
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?" -- Anonymous
"Parking for drive-through customers only." -- A sign at a McDonald's in California.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" -- Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
I am English and drink hot tea as opposed to coffee. My husband and I visited a fast food restaurant in Virginia America, and I asked a waitress if they had any hot tea.
Me: "Do you have hot tea?"
Her: "Well, it is not very warm...but...."
Me: "No I mean do you have hot water and a tea bag?"
Me: "So you can make me hot tea."
Her: "Well I can put a cup of iced tea in the microwave for you."
Me: "No, just give me a cup of hot water and a tea bag, and I will make my own."
Her: "Do you want ice in the cup?"
-- Mr Hobbs
"Personally I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get." -- George Burns