* The little old grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* A fortune teller offers to read your face.
* Everything hurts; and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
* Your children begin to look middle aged.
* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
* It takes twice as long to look half as good.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
* You and your teeth don't sleep together.
* Your idea of a night out is sitting in the back yard.
* You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
* Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
* Your ears are hairier than your head.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
* You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
* You lose your glasses, hearing aids, and teeth at the same time.
