An Englishman, and ...... Selection of jokes

Submitted by Inchcock

Saturday, 5 February 2011

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman Joke
A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement - before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky - it's given to him and he's locked away.
The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness - so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it.
The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, the doors are all unlocked.

The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.

The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.

When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself. To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'

A Frenchman, a German, an Irishman and an Englishman

A Frenchman, a German, an Irishman and an Englishman are talking together after some rigorous exercise.

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' moaned the Frenchman, 'I think I must have a glass of wine.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' responded the German, 'I think I must have a beer.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' murmured the Irishman, 'I think I must have a Guinness.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' muttered the Englishman, 'I think I must have diabetes.'


Englishman, Irishman and Frenchman Joke

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Frenchman', My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible', drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'


Three Englishmen and a Welshman Tale

Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.

One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'

His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.'

The third Englishman said, 'Wait here chaps. I know how to do it.'

He went over to the Welshman and said, 'St David was a flippin' sissy.'

To this the Welshman replied, 'Ah well you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The second Englishman now tried his luck and said to the Welshman, 'St David was a stupid fool that wore a dress!'

The Welshman again replied, 'You're very sharp, you don't say!' and calmly resumed drinking his beer.

The last Englishman told his friends he knew how to rile the Welshman and bounced up to the table and yelled, 'St David was an Englishman!'

The Welshman replied, calmly, 'That's what your mates were trying to tell me.'

Classic Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman Joke

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make one final request!'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the old country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first please!'


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