Susan Boyle - My Fake Diary

Monday, 5 March 2012

Ricky Gervais has called me a mong - but i tell you he's the one with the problem not me.

As i'm a bloody multi-millionaire, i paid a private detective to follow him home the other week. Now i know where he lives, hmmm what shall i do? Hate mail? dog shite? Or shall i pop round and give him a glasgow kiss?