Simon Cowell - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Dearest me, why so much fuss about me marrying or not marrying. Don't they realise. I am a gay. I must work on my pout. Now where's Max Clifford's number, arr speed dial number two, just after my mum, well, I say my mum, I mean my transsexual partner philly Greeno. I still can't walk straight.
I must remember to tell Max who pays who here! And tell him his cheque is in the post. G-d, 15 grand a bloody month, just to keep him from telling the world the truth. Why can't I just admit it. I'm Jewish, shit, where's the rubber...