Sharon Osborne - My Fake Diary

Monday, 18 February 2013

Got a call from Simon today. I knew he'd want me back eventually.

He's already re-signed Louis after the whole bloody circus of his brain implant.

It was obvious to me that Louis never had the proper wiring for a brain. He's a pet - just like a little stuffed poodle.

Anyway, Mr Cowell has finally realised that the gormless fatheads he's chosen as judges on X-Factor are just taking the michael. Not a musical notion between them and egos the size of planets.

I said - I'm not cheap Simon! I'm a freakin A-Lister me.
Name your price Sharon, he says.

Well I did, and he agreed.

I put my serious face on and told him I'd let him know in a couple of weeks. I'm a right cow.

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