Sharon Osborne - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Dear Diary - I cannot believe that my fellow Englishman Simon Cowell has gotten himself into one hellacious mess with that gold digging New York woman Lauren Silverman.

I warned Simon about messing around with a married woman but the bloke did not listen to me. He told me that it would be fine since she'd had her tubes tied 10 years ago.

Poppycock I told him. I let him know that she had dollar signs in her eyes and in her crotch region.

I even told Cowell that he needed to use a rubber but he was certain that she was infertile - well she got her hooks in him and now he is going to pay the the mouth or through Little Simon actually.

Sharon Osbourne