Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Monday, 18 August 2008

Dear Diary,

It's August and I'd better start building the "naughty or nice" list.

If parents only knew that I waited so long, they'd be pissed. The little rugrats can get away with anything the first eight months of the year, and I don't give reindeer shit about it. Just the last four months count.

If I was to hold the tykes to their actions the last week of school or on April Fool's Day, no one would ever get any presents (except those myopic, constipated little teacher's pets who win all the spelling bees and tattle about everything).

If it wasn't for all of those tropical storms going on right now, I'd be in Nassau checking out the girls who were on the "naughty" list ten years ago. Knowing how to pick out the future skanks, that's the best part of my job!

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