Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Monday, 5 April 2010

Thank you god. Those damn letters finally stopped coming. I don't get it, why do they expect ME to bring them presents.

Those little brats all they do is whine and complain. If your bad I shouldn't have to take some coal and waste my time giving it to them. If you're bad you shouldn't get anything!

Who am I kidding, parents give kids their presents. But it hasn't always been like that, I used to deliver presents and coal to children, and teens. But not adults because they really don't need me, only bums.

Fuck, I haven't been on a Christmas trip since the bloods, and crips first originated. They see my red sleigh and red outfit and crips start shooting at me. Fuck I even tried changing my outfit to blue and I painted my sleigh blue. Then the bloods started shooting at me. Now all I do is sit here in my little house while my wife makes me cookies and milk EVERY FUCKING DAY and I eat the same thing every day.

Even if I do make it to one house, they give me the same shit! MILK AND COOKIES! That's why I always leave a mess because I don't want that crap!