Osama bin Laden - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Dear diary,

Today has been such a very long day. it was all going well until I watched the news on the new TV I bought from Argos (only £499.99). The damned news reporter said that I was related to that monkey man, Barack Obama. Just because our names sound a little bit the same it doesn't mean that we're twin sisters! I rally could bomb the guy who made up that crap (Maybe i will...)!

And that was only the beginning of the bad news. I was sitting in the cave by myself watching 'Sex and the City' when an American troop ran in with an AK47 in his hands. He told me that he had decieved me. I immediately called for my bodyguards. "Ahmed, Hassan, Saddam, Roger." After I said Roger I worked out that he was telling me the truth and for the last six months I had been living with an American troop! I then put my hand into my pocket and pulled out a grenade. I threw it at Roger and it exploded. I saw bits of Roger fly around the room. The cave was shaking now and i knew that i would have to get out quickly or the cave would collapse. I was going to run out when i remembered my dorito, vanilla, dark chocolate (yuk), George Bush shaped sandwich. I ran to the fridge and opened the door. I looked and saw the most dreadfull thing that I had seen in my whole life. I hate to admit but it was a more dreadful sight than the WTC on 9/11. The sandwich was gone. I knew that there was nothing I could do about it now and I had to get out of the cave. I ran and then dived out of the cave and it seemed like I was in slow motion. As the cave collapsed a big wind rushed past me. It was so strong it nearly knocked my turban off of my head. As I got up I saw Hassan standing on top of me. I looked at him.

"You ate my fuckin' sandwich!"

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