Osama bin Laden - My Fake Diary

Friday, 25 September 2009

NOTE TO READER. THE ORIGINAL ENTRY WAS IN ARABIC AND HAS BEEN TRANSLATED FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

Dear Diary,

What to do. What to do. I'm so bored over here in ******** (Osama didn't want his position given away). I wish that chic from ****** was still alive... Why'd I go and kill her? Sigh.

On a better note, I'm improving my RPG aim. I killed six cows today at twenty-five meters. The farmer was pissed! I killed him and they're gonna bury him in his hometown of *******.

I drank some American tea for breakfast with my three new wifes, Celeste, Theresa-Lee, and Nichole. I stole them from a tourist party going through ********. It's yet to hit major news. I can't wait. I'm so sexy on national TV, especially in those old pictures from 2000 and etc.

The new wives don't seem to hate me. They're too obsessed with combing my hair and trimming my nails. I don't understand but they keep saying, "I'm a beautician's dream" and "they could have a million dollars worth of work on this guy." I guess they mean I'm hot. I think. Maybe.

Well, my chauffeur Quigon Jin came in. We're heading off to *******. Why? To do a recording which they'll play on National TV, whilst they show my face. Allah knows I can't wait.

Goodbye for now Diary,

Osama-Bob (Bob is a name they use in the U.S.A. I'm so western! How absolutely naughty!)