Jesus - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 22 December 2013

It's almost my birthday. Mom's trying to figure out how to put more than two thousand candles on this small white cake the angels baked for me. Jiminy Christmas! It's such a small cake to hold so many candles. You'd figure with me being the most important person who ever lived and died that heaven's oven would be able to create a bigger cake. After a couple millennia go by, Santa Claus has superseded me. Again. So let's clear up a few things: That blonde on FOX News says I'm white. No, I'm a Palestinian Jew, baby! Proud, too! And I have short hair that's cropped close. I don't look like any British rock star! Back in the day, we all wore our hair short. Not buzz cut, mind you, but not long. Who wants fleas and lice? And I have olive skin. So if you must, make me white, but not too white. If you can't be fair, at least try to be accurate.