Jeremy Beadle - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 24 June 2003

I met my up with my buddy Noel Edmunds today for a coffee, we'd been shopping and I bought myself a digital video camera. He's such a brilliant man may I say, whitty, charming and he just seems so irresistable to women. I really don't know how the old dog does it.

Anyway, there we were sipping our cappucinos sat at a lovely white metal table outside the coffee house, when a tall blonde 20something wearing a red dress, white gloves and walking a small dog passed by. She stopped, backtracked, and gave Noel a huge kiss right there and then, telling him she was a huge fan and asking him whether he was doing anything later. He's such a player, so he said, "Inspecting your bed sheets baby". The man is such a legend, he really is.

Now, this got my brain ticking. Yes what a wonderful plan! I'd find out where she lived, break in, cover the bed in manure and wait in a cupboard for the screams with my new camcorder.

Anyway, there I was in the cupboard waiting, then I hear some fumbling and smacking noises. "Yes!", I thought, "Ohh this is it!". I heard the screams, then out I pop with the camcorder and a torch! Oh such fun! The looks on their faces, not only can I see them in my head, but I've got video evidence too!

He's such a great guy. Marvellous.