Gordon Ramsay - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

Dear Diary,

I am going to kill Guy Fieri! Seriously, there is no joke here. I plan on killing him with my five iron on the third hole at the Royal Birkdale course in England. He has been encroaching too far on the Food Network and taking prime time slots away from me. I even admit that routine of yelling at people on cooking shows is getting old. I don't know what I'm yelling about anymore. Last show I was yelling at a contestant because he was wearing a v-neck shirt. But seriously, who wears those anymore? Anyway, where was I? Yeah Guy has got to go. Plus, he smells like beef all the time and you shouldn't especially at weddings, wakes, and karaoke pubs.

Respectfully,

(Sir) Gordon (Light-foot) Ramsay (Esquire)