David Cameron - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

I've been told by my third personal assistant's second assistant's trainee assistant's secretary's understudy's room cleaner, that three-quarters of local Conservative associations are losing activists as the party suffers a recruitment crisis which has seen membership halve since I became leader.

Her estimates put Conservative membership at between 130,000 and 170,000, compared with almost 300,000 shortly after I succeeded Michael Howard. And there are fears within the party that on current trends it could soon fall below 100,000.

Poppycock!