Written by T. Loaf
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Monday, 4 July 2016

Following Boris Johnson's astonishing refusal to help clear up the mess he'd created in the referendum, his companion-in-arms in their 'leave and let die' campaign to destroy the United Kingdom has now also fled the stage.

"I want my life back," whined Nigel Farage.

Rumours that he will be moving in with Johnson were swiftly denied. Quite what the two lads will be getting up to in their spare time remains unclear. But first, the search has begun.....for Nigel's life. Why did he relinquish it, where did he put it? Why did he have his photo taken with refugees in Slovenia: does he want their lives? Did he ever have a life? And was it registered in Britain?

Meanwhile Boris Johnson has again been criticising Remain supporters for not making a plan for him. "It really is grossly unfair," whimpered the former London mayor. "Now I've got the board game I want....or said I wanted, though, well, maybe I'll vote the other way next time..it's a free country..at the moment at any rate... but, you see, there don't appear to be any rules to this game, or figures or dice. Typical of the EU and our bolshy young generation. They don't give a damn about the elderly. We need help! You can't expect me to do everything: make jokes, smile, be flamboyant, lie to everyone, smile again, insult our European friends, kick them in the shins, grin, sing a song of sixpence, tell another lie.....AND make a plan..I mean, come on..."

Farage was last seen looking for his life in Rochester. "I know I left it somewhere", he groaned, "Now let's see...I was in Brussels last Thursday...I had it there....Hmmm"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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