Written by Batfish Mulligan
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Saturday, 8 October 2005

image for Congress changes spelling of "nucleus" to "nuculus"
Noo-kyoo-lar is correct now. So there.

WASHINGTON (API) - In order to eliminate a specific criticism of President George W. Bush, who pronounces "nuclear" as "noo-kyu-lar", the GOP leadership in Congress has passed a resolution changing the spelling of a subatomic particle from "nucleus" to "nuculus."

The far-reaching impact of this alteration will include the renaming of such expressions as "nucular weapons" and "the nucular family."

Despite vigorous objections from the scientific and academic communities, the change will go into effect immediately. An amendment to the resolution also makes it illegal to criticize the president for his grammar because it is now correct.

Senator Richard Tete (R-TX) applauded the resolution, citing Democrats' long-standing complaint that "anyone with his finger on the nuke button should be able to pronounce the word. Now he can."

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