Reporting today from a remote village deep in the heart of Zambia.
I recently embarked on a journey deep into the heart of the heart of Zambia to vist an old friend in the village of Zombonakuwekuwena Mahakta Damboriva aka the Anti-Cannibal village.
Upon entry to the village, i immediately noticed the abscence of people. Deciding to investigate further, i put my acute journalism skill to play and i went snooping around the village. My discovery was shocking and unnerving
In the first hut, i found an old man laying on a wooden bed with his eyes closed. I assumed him to be sleeping, but i was wrong. Every hut had pretty much the same sight in it. Just as i was about to give up hope, a rather thin looking figure staggers towards me. He was a villager. When i asked him what happened to the rest of the villagers, ths was what he replied:
We, the people of Zombonakuwekuwena Mahakta Damboriva are known to reject any form of cannibalism, so when the local supplier of meat (which is the only thing these people eat) brought canned meat to the village, we were overjoyed, but we refused to eat the meat as the can had a picture of a man on it! We are no cannibals! We will not eat people! And so, we have been starving ever since.
I then replied "bring me this can"It was then that i realized the awful truth.
They were starving themselves for no reason at all. The picture of the man they saw on the can represented the maker of the canned meat, and not what was inside the can. They are very practical people, and had actually thought that because of the man on the can, there really was 'man meat' inside the can.
After alot of convincing, the people of Zombonakuwekuwena Mahakta Damboriva finaly agreed to eat the food and save themselves from starvation.
In all, 50 villagers died, and 596 more had to be placed on an all food diet to recover from their ordeal. This all mounted up to a very large law suit to the canned meat company (thanks to me). Due to this suit, now all the cans of meat have pictures of cows on them, and not a person.
I for one, feel that having villagers who starve themselves to avoid cannibalism is far better than having villagers who eat people as christmas dinner.
This has been a Henman special.